Movie Reviews, A Plea for Old Work, and New Art!

Alright boys and girls, Grant's Homage to Sarah Brown's Cringe is still taking place so send stuff in! If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, see the post below.

But in the meantime, here are some movie reviews of recent films I've seen so you can base all your movie rentals on my opinion. Since my opinion is so important.

Sweeny Todd
Do you like Tim Burton? Johnny Depp? Helena Bonham Carter? Morbid, dark, violent musicals? Then this film is for you! Seriously, even if you aren't really into musicals, this movie is genius. Sure it's a "remake," but it hits every important detail from amazing visuals to an intriguing plot to cutting lyrics to visceral killings.

Zodiac
I didn't know much about the Zodiac killer and definitely didn't know any sort of work on him was still being done up until a few years ago. This film was an interesting semi-history lesson packaged with some great crime/thriller motifs. It's from the director of Se7en so how bad can it be? Good acting and a decent film all around.

Eastern Promises
Fantastically acted film about the Russian mob in London. Didn't know the Russian mob worked in London? Well now you know. So see the film to get the down-low on prostitution, prison tattoos, and how one should protect him/herself if ever caught in a naked fight to the death.
The Borne Ultimatum
If you liked the first couple films, this one is a must. It was a great film that keeps you wondering what kind of crazy action scene will take place next. And if you're into film making details, the extras show how they got away with some pretty incredible stunts. A couple ethical dilemmas aside, there's not much depth, but a fun film nonetheless.

Hmm...I seem to be out of films. But I'm sure I'll remember something later. As for now, I should be asleep due to a final tomorrow. Until next time.

P.S. Thanks to Christina's friend John and a little graphic novel called Transmetropolitan (loosely based on a Hunter S. Thompson type character (therefore right up my alley)) I have begun drawing again. Here's the first serious thing I've drawn in a very long time:

A New Project for a New Year

I have referenced her a couple of times in my blog, and I have been reading her site for 7 years now (thought it has gone through many changes). Her name is Sarah Brown and she has been an inspiration to me more times than I can count. I have based multiple writings on ideas that she has had, and I have tried to always give her credit (and I apologize if I ever failed to do so).

Sarah started this amazing things called Cringe. It started in New York and is, at its base, an open mic for relaying the best of old poems, journal entries, songs, and writings in general. And by "best" I mean "most horribly awkward and therefore funny." It has garnered much deserved attention and even takes place in England now. Next time I hit NY I'm bringing an old journal in hopes of shaking Sarah's hand and reading for everyone's pleasure.

In the meantime, since I cannot partake in the actual thing, I have decided to start a mini faux version on Cringe on my site. I'm not trying to make it big or get famous from this (as Sarah has done with her book coming out soon). This is more so for me and my close friends. But if you're new to this site and stumble upon this, please contribute.

So what I'm asking is that you e-mail me poems, letters you never sent, journal entries, songs, and anything you can find that you want to share. The point is to smile at our youthful indiscretion and now-comedic views that we once held so dearly.

So here are a few ground rules:

-You can ask to remain anonymous, or for your name to accompany your work. I will always respect your privacy.
-Please do not edit your work. You can take out names if you're worried about them reading it, but the more truthful to the original the better.
-There is to be no actual mockery of anyone's work. Laughter is the point, but not laughter at another's expense. Though this can be funny, these can still be painful/serious memories.
-Drawings/etc can be included.
-Things posted on the net are acceptable, but actual handwritten work can be more fun since chances are nobody has heard this before.
-A bit of setup is always appreciated. Year you wrote it and surrounding circumstances and the like.
-The older the better.
-Try to not "justify" the writing. Set it up and let it speak for itself.

And now, to show how serious I am about doing this, I will start with the first 50FIFTY Homage to Sarah Brown's Cringe:

I was 18 and it was 2001 and I was "dating" a girl for the first time. I put 'dating' in quotes because it was still up in the air at this time. I had, in a sense, stolen this girl from her boyfriend and was insanely caught up in my internal struggle to win her affections since she was obviously my one true love. Or so my 18-year-old heart thought.

We "broke up," and I put that in quotes because, how can you break up with someone if you're not dating in the first place?

I was so distraught that I wrote countless horrible poems in a little spiral-bound notebook. They became progressively more emo until it climaxed in a suicide-note style poem.

Two things to keep in mind: 1) I was listening to a lot of Eminem at this point in time, and 2) My dad found this and had a little "talk" with me.

Goodbye

How do I start this? Not with "hello"
For I know that's too happy to show
How I feel, how bout "hi", no no no
That's not real, doesn't go
What's the deal? I'll just screw it
And start with, "I feel like shit"
That'll hit 'em, stick with 'em and kick 'em
Out of their comfort zones
Cuz Grant wouldn't use that tone
And we know that he's not prone
To swear or to get real mad,
Grant is just never sad, then:
"This will make you real mad
But chance after chance I've had
To try and make myself glad.
And why does it never work?
I cry and I go berserk
I know that I've been a jerk
But I've tried to look at the perks
Of living and I can see none
I'm giving up, battle's done
I fought it off but it won."
I think I'll write my goodbyes.
This ink they'll read as they cry
Hearts sink, they ask, "Why'd he die?"
And now I will tell you bye.
"To my parents I loved you much
You cared which was proved by such
Warm actions, looks, even your touch
But this world was just too much.
To my friends, you guys are the best
I'd rest my life in your hands," ha, that's
Messed since I'm already dead,
My head leaking blood on my bed.
"And to all those who know me
Who weren't as close to me
This letter's supposed to be
A clearing of mysteries.
I hate all you wanna-be-crowd following pansies
I hope this let's you all see
That life isn't all dandy
But strife and much suffering,
A knife, I'm the offering
And now I don't feel a thing."
Somehow I know this is all
I need to write so I fight
The urge to just write and write
Cuz writing this is almost fun
But now that my letter's done
I pick up the deadly gun
Load the bullets one by one
I put the gun to my head
My hand shakes, heavy like lead
The sand makes its way on down
Time is up, my finger's round
The trigger as I pull it now

::
::

I ended it with a fake bullet hole surrounded by a red-pen-ink-bloodsplatter.

Wow was I pretentious.

Your turn!

Needless to Say...

...I have a sick masochistic fascination with needles.

Damn You Candy Companies!!

So Hershey's recently put out a new product - it's a baggie of breath-mints. The problem is that it looks like baggies used to carry cocaine.

There has been some outrage over this product due to it's similarity to drug packaging and news sites are showing pictures comparing the two. I guess this is problematic because a child who is used to having breath mints in a little blue baggie might stumble upon a baggie of llello, eat it, and suffer harm or die.

As some have already pointed out, there is a bigger issue here: where the hell is this situation going to take place? What child lives in a environment where they could find a little blue baggie of blow? People don't usually misplace large bags of drugs, so any parent who is worried that after a all-night binger their kid will consume the rest of their drugs probably has more to worry about than Hershey's packaging.

I Know I Don't Post Anything with any Content Anymore...

...but I was perusing Sarah Brown's site and ran across this video by a band named Menomena and couldn't help but share it with anyone who still occasionally visits this site:

Skateboards: The Unknown Danger

I was skating to the 7-11 that is all of 1 block from my condo tonight. Mind you, I have been using a longboard for years now. I'm no Tony Hawk, but I can usually get to my destination on said longboard without too much of a problem.

But not tonight.

Somehow, my peddling got a bit too excited and my body gained too much momentum and I found myself moving faster than the board beneath my feet. As you might have by now assumed, this means that I surpassed the 45 degree [estimate] point and my board stayed at the pace I was previously moving (better read as: my board was moving at X speed and my body was moving at Y speed, where Y= very fast and X= not very fast).

Needless to say...I hit the pavement, did a stuntman roll, and lost some (read: a lot) of my epidermal layer.

Now I'm bandaged up like the Invisible Man when he's wanting to be seen by others.

Case in point:

Remind me to never join the X-Games.

P.S. I know it says "PANTIES" on the computer screen behind my aching hand, but I promise I was just reading a webcomic that has some strange links to other (more bizarre) webcomics. The first person who tries to be witty and makes a joke about my web-surfing destinations gets a slap in the face.

Does anyone else find this strange?

Marketing For Dummies

I was browsing the internet, as I am often to be found doing, and I ran across an ad for durian. If you don't know, durian fruit is this massively popular fruit in India (and possibly some other countries) that tastes, to almost anyone who did not grow up eating it, like rotten garbage with some extra rotten thrown on top. The smell is so foul that hotels have big "no durian fruit" signs and they often have special charcoal filtering systems in case someone sneaks one into the hotel and eats it. They are said to have mystical qualities and people go crazy for them. There have been murders over durian fruit sales.

So you can imagine my surprise at seeing an ad for this fruit that was aimed at Americans. As I checked out the ad, here is what I saw:
Take a look at all the claims this ad makes and then stop and think. Notice something a little bit odd? In one category we have mood elevator and cause of feeling younger. Sort of like an anti-depressant that makes you happier. Next we have energizer, to which we will add helps you lose weight since diet pills also usually give you energy. Next we have sexual stimulant. Next we have relaxant. Next we have...um...helps you make lots of money?

I have such a hard time thinking that people would buy this, but I guess they do.

How can one item make you happier and peppier AND help you with sexual problems AND help you fall asleep? My only guess is that it pumps you full of a speed-like substance which makes you happier which allows greater sexual performance which tires you out and makes you sleep well. And then it gets you lots of money. Or something?

Plus, we have to remember that this is a fruit. A natural, organic item. One that has not been scientifically engineered to perform a multitude of opposing functions in the human body.

The only way to achieve all those results with modern science is a drug cocktail kinda like this:
-Seroquel for happiness
-Sibutramine for pep and weight loss
-Yohimbine for aphrodisiacal qualities
-Nembutal for sleep

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I could end with the sad state of marketing ethics in our country, or how people forget to use their brains when something is promised to make them rich, or how lacking in true marketing skill most internet salesmen are...but instead I'll leave the moral up to you.

I will say one thing, however...if you ever get your hands on a durian, stay the heck away from me.