Boxers and Lethal Injections

Yesterday Naomi and I were ready to head off to Deidrich's Coffee (yes yes, even though I work for *bucks, I'm a traitor, get over it) and we saw a dog come trotting around the corner. He barked once and then ran up to us to be petted liberally. It was a boxer with a big black spike collar on. He was pretty much just a puppy though he probably weighed 65lbs. Suddenly our patriarchal instincts kicked in and we needed to save this dog. He had no tag, so no way to find out where he lived.

I walked him to where he came from but he was just interested in running up to everyone he saw to be petted. No clues.

We called animal control and told them I would be home around 1pm so they could come pick up the dog. About an hour or so later I realized that they would kill the dog if he wasn't picked up, so I turned on animal control and decided to lie to them and say we found the owner.

When animal control got to my house I had a sudden attack of conscience and couldn't lie. Instead I put myself on third call, so they will let me know if they are about to kill the dog and I can go pick him up instead.

Wow, that was a boring story. Sorry.

The Triumphant Return of Mega

I'm not dead. So you don't have to worry. Really. Cancel the milkcarton ads (but I did want to thank you for choosing a flattering picture of me), take down the lost signs stapled to the telephone polls, and stop wondering around late at night calling my name in hopes to hear the jingle of my pocketwatch as I come running back.

Life's been hectic. I'm still at *bucks, I'm getting ready to start my last semester of undergrad college, I'm still editing crappy films, and I'm still eating too little.

I've seen Darkness (utter garbage), White Noise (not as bad as everyone said), The Life Aquatic (eh...), Love Me If You Dare (actually not a chick flick and really good), and the first three episodes of Alias season 4 (oh, Alias my love).

I'm working on a concept commercial for a big company and if anyone finds out what the product is my friend will get fired.

So yes....that's really all I have to say. Hopefully I will come back to my sadly neglected website here and write more often. Don't worry my semi-abandoned website friends, I will nurture you will words and anecdotes from my life which isn't quite as interesting as I often make it seem once again.

12/7/04 @ 8:00am.............Last time I woke up.
12/8/04 @ 7:00pm.............Current time.
10/15/04...........................Last time I felt sane.

A Homoerotic Epic of Bad Acting, Bad Writing, and Bad Directing...OR: Why A Couple Hundred Million Dollars Won't Guarantee You A Good Film...OR: How I Wasted 3 Hours of My Time

If you haven't guessed, I'm talking about the recently released "Alexander." This was literally the worst film I have seen in a very very long time. I don't walk out of films...ever; but I was so close to walking out of this film that I even surprised myself. Let's discuss the finer points of this masterpiece:

The Alexandrian army was using everything from Scottish to British accents, almost all the men were wearing eyeliner, at least two characters had identical eye-gouged-out-scars that weren't even good, there were at least 3 completely androgynous characters, the plot (though mostly historically accurate) was confusing, the timing was ridiculously slow or fast respectively in the completely wrong places, the countless longing looks between Alexander and other men were completely laughable, there was almost no believable acting, the writing was so cliche I thought it was on purpose for humor's sake, and 10 minutes into the film I was already ready for it to be over.

Seriously, just don't see it. I beg of you. Don't see it or you will regret it. There was nothing redeeming about the film. You want some good war scenes? Watch Braveheart or something...anything other than "Alexander."

Oh man...I hope I don't dream about it.

After Ignoring My Website for Some Time...

...I'm back to ramble some.

I'm pretty much more stressed than I have ever been other than that one time I had 2 weeks to learn a semi-lead part for a play and I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. But other than that...yeah, this whole movie thing takes the cake. And I don't want it to take the cake. I like the cake. In fact, if I had the cake right now I would have a piece, but no...the movie thing has taken my precious cake and now I am left cakeless and alone.

On the other hand, my movie should turn out pretty dang good.

Here's a mini-update in one jumbled paragraph: I saw the Grudge and was pretty much scared to sleep for a couple nights, I got a little bit of a raise at *bucks, I was mistaken for Chad Murrey (that kid from One Tree Hill or who used to be on Dawson's Creek), I registered for the last classes I will ever take at Chapman, I got a tiny bit of sleep, I won some tickets at Dave and Busters, I let my room slowly deteriorate and still have no intention of cleaning it, I took on two huge editing projects at the same time, I didn't have my penis dilated (wow, I haven't even mentioned it in a long time), I nearly failed a science test, and I spent a ton more money on the pre-production of my 4 minute film.

Now it's time to sleep. Tomorrow I have to take step 8/35 to get permits to use fake guns in public.

Goodnight...goodnight...again I say goodnight.

Reason #47 Why I Hate Spiders

I pulled my car up to the house the other night and right before I turned off my lights I saw a huge black spider on the wall by our mailbox. I ignored it and went to bed. The next day I looked there again, just to see, and to my surprise the spider was still there. Only this was no ordinary spider. This was, literally, the biggest spider I have ever seen outside of a zoo type environment other than a tarantula. It was so massive and so pitch black that I was afraid to get within 10 feet of it. So I got wasp killer that sprays up to 20 feet. I tried to build up some confidence and then started soaking the monstrosity to no end. As it spun around I noticed something on its underside...that's right...a red hourglass. It was the mother of all black widows. I smashed it with a newspaper and for the rest of the day I felt like I had spiders crawling all over me.

Today I found yet another black widow in almost the same place. It was smaller...but like that matters.

If I stop writing you'll know that the black widows have taken over the house and I am wrapped up frodo-style in a giant web. If that happens and you come and save me I might give you a dollar or something cool like that.

Devil's Night

After getting sick and having to work at *bucks anyway and not sleeping and "waking up" sicker than before and having to go to a film shoot all day, I realized that Shauna's birthday party/haloween party was TONIGHT and not tomorrow night. I still had nothing to wear, so I hurried over to the costume shop and bought some Ben Nye and meticulously applied a bald cap and a half a pound of blue grease paint. Paired with all black clothing, I was a Blue Man. As in, one of the Blue Man Group. Only I was groupless. The stuff stung my eyes and my nose was/is running thereby streaking the paint and then it took over half an hour to scrub MOST of it off (meaning I'll be in church tomorrow with some blue eyeliner looking stuff on), but I was told it looked pretty darn good.

Naomi was Stevin Tyler. She wore a sock in her pants. She tried to poke me with it.

Other costumes consisted of a catholic school boy paired with a priest with a fake penis sticking out of his robe, Smokey the Bear, the kid from Rushmore, a group of four or five leather clad policewomen, and some guy who I think made his face look like a baseball.

Now it's time to drink some tea and sleep. And then I'm off to church, another six hour shoot, writing a paper for class, doing homework for class, and then work at 4am Monday morning. Wee!

900' of film.....................................................................................$300
craft services..................................................................................$160
12' truck rental for 2 days................................................................$130
film processing/telecine...................................................................$125/hr
2 replica handguns..........................................................................$65
costumes........................................................................................$50
magnetic sign..................................................................................$40
faux wedding ring............................................................................$10
leaving film school with my own film................not nearly priceless enough

for everything else there's slaving away at an underpaid job