Club/Bar Stereotypes - Part Deux

I did my first post about club stereotypes 4 years ago, and it's about time for a new one. There are just so many odd people at clubs that they simply need to be written about. Serious movie script fodder in my opinion.

The "Lesbians"
These are the girls who show up in slutty outfits and are not lesbian in the least, but they know guys and they know that dancing together will get them the attention they crave so much. A simple kiss on the lips and every guy in the club will be all over them for the rest of the night.

The Bros
This is the group of guys (always at least 3) who show up in baggy jeans, baggy t-shirts (often with fraternity Greek plastered on them), baseball caps, and really bad tattoos (usually barbwire and more fraternity Greek). They slam beers, talk about "bitches", and brag about all the "game" they have even though they never get any girl's attention.

The Out-Of-Place Guy
This guy always comes alone and looks so out of place you can't help but stare. His outfit will vary depending on the club. The basic formula is:
Given:
X=Any given club
Y=Very specific style
G=out-of-place-guy
Y*=the opposite
Then:
E(x)(g)[X(Y)^G->G(Y*)]
In layman's terms: For all clubs and all out-of-place guys, if a club with a specific style, and out-of-place guy, then out-of-place guy will wear the exact opposite of whatever that specific style is. (Sorry, logic class ruined me). IE: If we're at a Mexican cantina-style club with jeans and t-shirts as the style, this guy will be wearing a dress shirt, dress pants, a tie or suspenders, and oftentimes one extra feature such as a toupee, a pocket-protector, or a bolo tie.

The Bitches
This is the group of girls who dress up nice and go out to the club to "have a good time," but "have a good time" to them means eyeing guys across the room, maybe even getting some free drinks, and then snubbing them with "yeah right" looks and going back to their safe little group of girls.

The REALLY Drunk Girl
First you see her with some guy you assume is her boyfriend, and she's grinding up against him so much you hope she's taking birth-control. All of 10 minutes later you see her with some other guy doing the same routine. Not 10 minutes later, yet another guy. She eventually comes up to you and attempts to "seduce" you with her stumbling, yelling of "WOOOOO" at an ear-piercing pitch, and breath smelling of vomit.

The Sad Guy
This is the guy sitting in a dark corner by himself with such a look of depression that you want to give him a hug. He is usually lured to the club by friends trying to make him happy after a breakup/death in the family/etc, but his friends ditch him for a group of hot girls leaving him to sit there feeling even more pitiful.

The Cougar
This is the older lady (her age can be figured out by taking the median age of the club-goers and adding at least 20) who usually comes alone and is dressed way too young for her age (and usually too young for her body as well). Her one goal is to get a young, inexperienced guy who is too drunk to realize that she is old enough to be his mom.

All in all, if you like people-watching, head to a club/bar and take notes. Unless of course you are one of the stereotypes...in which case, go on and do your thing and I'll be there to smirk at you.

Anyone feeling generous?

If everyone pitches in a few dollars, you guys can get me a subscription to make full-length slideshows at Animoto for my birthday!

Woo!

Mid Twenties...Here I Come

Wow, I just wrote this huge self-pitying weblog about how hard it is to do anything on ones birthday and how birthdays used to mean so much more when we were kids. Phew. Glad I caught that one before it was published.

In other news, it's my birthday in roughly 5 days! Weeeeeee!

If anyone wants to try and do dinner or something some time around the 7th (probably after) I'd be up for it. Mass amounts of tests and papers prohibit much celebrating, but I can take a night off, right?

Kiefer Sutherland is a Pirate...

...and that would explain everything.

Technology's Hostile Takeover

Remember in The Brave Little Toaster how all of The Master's technological properties loved him and couldn't wait for him to come back so they could bask in the glow of, um, his ownership of them? Wait...was this movie about slavery? Anyway, not my point. So there were good electronics and bad electronics (all the evil, modern devices) and it was an entire world of sentient electronic devices (aside from the heated blanket who could, unexplainably, move the blanket parts of himself even though they weren't mechanical) who had dreams and hopes and desires.

It has come to my attention that the world of sentient electronics around me is more of the evil kind then the 'I can't wait til Grant gets home!' kind. Why? Everything mechanical/electronic around me is breaking.

About six months back my laptop stopped working. I had to send it in which delayed my school work and caused much inconvenience.

A few months back both of my external hard drives stopped working. For no reason. And they have all my movie-stuff on them.

My cell phone's qwerty keyboard is failing one key at a time. Every time I try to write "you know" it ends up as "you kow."

My truck, which I thought just needed an oil chance, actually needed over $700 of repairs for a new water pump, timing belt, set of spark plugs, etc.

My laptop died on me again, and right at a time when I desperately needed the notes from it to study for a huge test. I subsequently nearly failed said test. Thanks computer.

And those are just the bigs ones. I didn't mention my desk lamp's bulb blowing, my laptop charger only working part of the time, my cell phone's battery only charging about halfway, my video camera's battery only charging about 1/8th of the way, my halogen lamp killing bulbs only weeks old, and inexplicable internet failure only when I actually desperately need it like when I'm trying to sign up for classes.
Just letting everyone know that if you own good electronics, and they come looking for you and end up at my condo, my electronics will probably start singing a badly synthesized 80's-style song to them about being cutting edge...and then try to kill them.

You Can Stand Under My Umbrella

With the MTV Movie Awards now over (no, I didn't watch it, I was busy working 30 hours a week and calling it part time), I thought I might do a little bragging. Rihanna, a newish pop singer who is actually surprisingly good won best single and best video (the highest award at said event).

The cool part is that my sister Ashley helped out with the video.

Due to time constraints in video shoots, they needed a body/dance double for an effect where Rihanna is dancing while waves of liquid splash across her while she stays dry. So my sister was Rihanna's double who did the dance dressed in a black bodysuit while people threw buckets of water on her.

It's pretty cool to know that my sister was deemed a good enough dancer to 'appear' in a video that is taking the pop-world by storm (oh wow, that was not meant to be a water pun).

Here's a screen capture of the effect:













And here's the video in case you're interested:

When It Rains, It Poors

I was in Fullerton, walking through the bar-hopping hot-spot as Reggae, House, Latino, and Top-40 pumped from the respective dive-bars. I shook hands with a former employee and discussed how life was. His Boston accent, brute manner, and Italian style hadn't changed. I noticed a woman sitting on a bench by herself. She wore a rasta-style hat, beatnik sunglasses, and a crazy amalgamation of army issue clothing. She held a huge tub of ice cream in her hands. I walked up and asked what kind of ice cream she was eating. She paused for nearly 15 seconds, looked at the label, slowly cocked her head up at me and slurred "I dunno...but it's good!" I smiled and wondered if I should offer her some cash. Before I could get any further in thought she looked up at me again and mumbled, "Hey...do you have any acid connections?" I furrowed my brow and asked her to repeat the question. "Can you get any acid?" I laughed a little until I realized she was serious. "No...sorry," I said, and walked away.
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"That fag!" This was said with such animosity that the four of us in the cheese prep area actually stopped what we were doing and looked at him. He was talking about a table that totally screwed him on tip even after saying everything was great. We don't really know each other, so nobody is sure if he is homophobic, insecure, or just using a common term that some people are offended by. "You shouldn't use that word," one of the girls nearby said. A huge conversation started about what is appropriate usage of "controversial" terms. Nobody would listen to my philosophical take on intention and how one can use a derogatory term if it is often aimed at their own race/sex/sexuality/etc. Instead it broke down into an emotional tirade about how she has lots of homosexual family members and how we need to be sensitive to what people find offensive. I was very tempted to start using derogatory terms about Puerto Ricans and then explain that I'm 25% Puerto Rican. That would probably cause more of a stir than I want to deal with at a new job.
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A drug dealer listens in on a conversation about youthful mistakes in the area of thievery. "I hated my job," his buddy says, "so I stole hundreds of dollars worth of tires for my friends." The drug dealer responds with, "Yeah, well that doesn't justify it. That's horrible." I laugh as he texts some friend with when he'll be by to sell them some yay.
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"Well, I don't know...is that acceptable?" I'm listening in to a conversation from my hiding spot at a corner desk. Nobody pays attention to me. "We're talking about the context of marriage here, right?" This is coming from the badly dressed (ok, so they're all badly dressed) guy eating a Cup O' Noodles. "Yeah," comes the response, "oral sex is still wrong." The guy with the shaved head speaks up, "Totally, the point of sex is procreation, and oral sex is aimed purely at the physical." The first guy pitches in, "Unless, maybe...maybe if you don't finish during the act. If you use it as part of the procreation thing but you don't finish with it you aren't using it for purely physical reasons." Seriously. I can't believe I'm hearing this.
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Oh yeah, Miss Teen South Carolina is ridiculously dense, renegade citizens are using YouTube to destroy bad cops, Splenda is poisoning people with Sucralose, Jaguan Kim is converting people to an incoherent physicalist view of the mind/body problem, and Bob Barker is failing miserably at controlling the pet population.

Sigh...the world is a complicated place.

A total eclipse of the suuuuun, er...mooooon!

So you might have heard of the 'double moon' rumor, or the 'mars will be as big as the moon' rumor, or the 'Grant is actually a ninja' rumor, but they're all false. Except maybe the third one. People have been going off about Mars coming so close to the moon that it will be just as large and this only happens once every couple thousands years or so. As far as I can tell with extensive (read: 2 minutes worth) research (read: Google), Mars might be close, but that's not what is in the nights sky tonight. Or so the internets tell me. And the internet is always right. Always.

NASA is saying that what you might have seen is just a total lunar eclipse...which is still pretty dang cool. If we were Mayans a couple thousand years ago we might be sacrificing women and children so the moon gods bring the light back to us. I like to follow tradition, so if you don't hear from me for a few years, I'm hiding out in South America under the alias 'Queso.'

Anyway, here's a horribly unsteady shot of the very beautiful lunar eclipse. I apologize for my tripod-less shot and hopefully you got to see it for yourself.


In other news...a person's head is not a suitable substitute for a tripod. Trust me.