The Way I See It #666

I'm beginning to hate Time magazine but it is, at very least, good fodder for my recent trend of angry blogging. Megan sent me a link to a Time article about one man's qualms with Starbucks. Since I'm an ex-barista, I thought I'd give it a read and see how much truth could be squeezed from his writing. Sadly, he takes the oh-so-common non-understanding outsider position of the loveably hate-worthy green coffee giant.

So I'll respond.

He starts by saying that Schultz (the owner) was recently lamenting over lack of coffee-smell emanating throughout the store due to flavor-lock bags. He then says the romance is gone because of non hand-ground beans and other issues I'll get to later.

Then he says (to mash all his problems up together): "If I may be so bold, Howard, smelling the coffee isn't the problem — it's getting to it." It takes too long to get coffee because the lines are too long, there always seems to be one less employee working then necessary to handle the rush, but that is hardly the local manager's fault because more employees couldn't fit because of all the cd's and books and "crap" they are trying to sell.

He then says it's not the automatic machines fault because French and Italian cafes use them, and it's impossible to get a seat because of the WiFi Squatters.

Then the argument is that even McDonald's, in recent Consumer Reports, has better rated coffee. And it is too complex to order a drink and there are too many complicated ways of ordering and now they serve breakfast sandwiches as well as other snacks instead of just coffee and it's not that they need more ambiance but...

...more machines, more sales terminals, and when it comes to coffee, "just grind some" he says.

Did that seem disjointed?

It was.

The author of this article doesn’t stick to one topic long enough to actually make a point. He just takes as many stabs at the establishment as possible hoping that one of them strikes a chord with a reader and that reader will say “Oh! Yeah! I agree with that point!”

Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that his key point is that Starbucks used to be a great place to go in and grab a “killer cup of coffee” and now it is a poorly run corporate monster that has lost its ability to function smoothly and get coffee to its customer quickly.

Onto some quick answers to this authors qualms:

First off, it is unclear whether the beginning problems (not grinding beans, etc) are issues that Schultz has with the company, or the author has with the company.

Next, if the lines are too long, go somewhere else. Who is forcing you to go to Starbucks in the first place? And that tired quip everyone keeps making about being able to stand on one corner and see two Starbucks? Why don’t you walk to that other Starbucks? Why do you think there are so many? To alleviate long lines. The DMV has lines a thousand times longer than any Starbucks, but you have to go to the DMV. So go ahead and bitch about the DMV, but not only do you not need coffee, but you don’t need Starbucks coffee, and you don’t need that Starbucks’ coffee. So get over the lines.

And the other “crap” they sell? Who cares? Do you get angry when you enter a Target because “Ohmigosh they carry toiletries and DVDs? Make up your mind!” Has anyone griped about Phillip Morris for dipping their greedy fingers into Kraft and a hundred other non-tobacco companies in case cigarette sales go down? No. It’s called smart business. And though it was likely just a mock problem, the “crap” isn’t blocking any more employees from working since all that “crap” is in the lobby, not behind the counter. So if you don’t want anything but coffee to be sold, good luck finding a place that sells only coffee.

Then he mysteriously brings up the automated machines again (which makes me think that the original quote is from Schultz?) and leaves it at that.

As for not being able to get a table because of WiFi squatters? Not only are they not getting a work space for the price of a latte (you have to pay to use the WiFi that Starbucks offers), but do you write articles about how horrible it is that you can’t get a seat at the local famous actor hotspot restaurant? No. In fact, you might never get a seat in that restaurant, but that’s just how it works. Plus, first the author complains that almost a third of the times he shows up to Starbucks he doesn’t even have the 15 minutes to wait for his coffee, but then he turns around and complains that he can’t get a table. Well, which is it? Do you want to rush in, grab your coffee and leave, or grab a coffee and lounge around the shop?

As for McDonalds having better coffee according to Consumer Reports? I won’t even go into the fact that most of the public doesn’t even have a palette that can distinguish between merlot and cabernet, let alone dark roast versus light roast. This random fact has two possible outcomes: one, either it’s right (McDonald’s coffee is better), or two, it’s wrong (Starbucks has better coffee). If the prior is true, then why do people still go to Starbucks and pay 5 times the price? And if you chock it up to trickery and good advertising, then Starbucks is doing something right by getting people to buy worse coffee for more money. Starbucks hasn’t changed their coffee except for one major way: now they use flavor-lock bags. So the author, who seems to have loved the old Starbucks coffee, either has such a poor palette that he should just go to McDonalds, or he likes the taste of stale coffee better than fresh coffee since Starbucks coffee is the same beans and the same process as before, just more fresh due to a revolutionary air-lock system.

As for the complicatedness of ordering? The 10,000+ possible combinations? Just because one company (Microsoft) offers few products (very arguable) and does well, does not mean that every company should follow suit. If Starbucks limited its menu, people would complain that there is not enough personalization. Take In N’ Out and people’s lack of being content over the simple menu. Now it’s fries animal style and a three by three with no bun and a mixed milkshake. People want more choices. This is not something you can complain about. Is it too hard to order? Awww. I’m sorry. But if you go to Philly and order a cheesesteak from a roadside eatery and you order wrong they send you to the back of the line. You have to order exactly right or you don’t get food. At least Starbucks tries to help you with all the choices they allow you to make.

How are breakfast sandwiches a problem? I must admit it is very strange, but it’s not a problem. I used to work at a tiny, family owned coffee shop that probably made less than $800 a day and guess what, we made sandwiches. If people want something, a smart businessperson will offer it to the people.

So the answer? The author says more machines, more sales-persons, and to grind some coffee. I won’t even get into the details of the machines that actually do grind coffee as you order it and the only difference being that it is not done by hand (which, if anything causes more disparity and worse coffee). But more machines and more workers is not a solution.

Let’s work the author’s one attempt at a thread through this whole thing (how long it takes to get coffee) through his complaints.

If he is complaining that all the cd’s and breakfast sandwiches and choices are slowing down the people in front of him and making it take too long (which I’m guessing is his point, since certain points like the WiFi Squatters have nothing to do with how long it takes to get coffee) then point taken. But more machines and more sales-people means a bigger store, more rent, more cost for the extra employees, more cost for the extra managers and assistant managers needed, more cost for the machines and the service of said machines, and what does that all equal? A need to sell more “crap” to make up for all that cost which will slow the lines down even more

If the line is too long and you are that horribly disturbed by this establishment, then go somewhere else. There are obviously (judging by the massive lines you hate so much) more than enough people who are willing to wait in 15 minute lines, trudge through the cd’s and crap, wait for the person in front of them to order a breakfast sandwich, have a mental breakdown due to too many choices, and pay too much for coffee worse than McDonald’s.