Club/Bar Stereotypes - Part Deux

I did my first post about club stereotypes 4 years ago, and it's about time for a new one. There are just so many odd people at clubs that they simply need to be written about. Serious movie script fodder in my opinion.

The "Lesbians"
These are the girls who show up in slutty outfits and are not lesbian in the least, but they know guys and they know that dancing together will get them the attention they crave so much. A simple kiss on the lips and every guy in the club will be all over them for the rest of the night.

The Bros
This is the group of guys (always at least 3) who show up in baggy jeans, baggy t-shirts (often with fraternity Greek plastered on them), baseball caps, and really bad tattoos (usually barbwire and more fraternity Greek). They slam beers, talk about "bitches", and brag about all the "game" they have even though they never get any girl's attention.

The Out-Of-Place Guy
This guy always comes alone and looks so out of place you can't help but stare. His outfit will vary depending on the club. The basic formula is:
Given:
X=Any given club
Y=Very specific style
G=out-of-place-guy
Y*=the opposite
Then:
E(x)(g)[X(Y)^G->G(Y*)]
In layman's terms: For all clubs and all out-of-place guys, if a club with a specific style, and out-of-place guy, then out-of-place guy will wear the exact opposite of whatever that specific style is. (Sorry, logic class ruined me). IE: If we're at a Mexican cantina-style club with jeans and t-shirts as the style, this guy will be wearing a dress shirt, dress pants, a tie or suspenders, and oftentimes one extra feature such as a toupee, a pocket-protector, or a bolo tie.

The Bitches
This is the group of girls who dress up nice and go out to the club to "have a good time," but "have a good time" to them means eyeing guys across the room, maybe even getting some free drinks, and then snubbing them with "yeah right" looks and going back to their safe little group of girls.

The REALLY Drunk Girl
First you see her with some guy you assume is her boyfriend, and she's grinding up against him so much you hope she's taking birth-control. All of 10 minutes later you see her with some other guy doing the same routine. Not 10 minutes later, yet another guy. She eventually comes up to you and attempts to "seduce" you with her stumbling, yelling of "WOOOOO" at an ear-piercing pitch, and breath smelling of vomit.

The Sad Guy
This is the guy sitting in a dark corner by himself with such a look of depression that you want to give him a hug. He is usually lured to the club by friends trying to make him happy after a breakup/death in the family/etc, but his friends ditch him for a group of hot girls leaving him to sit there feeling even more pitiful.

The Cougar
This is the older lady (her age can be figured out by taking the median age of the club-goers and adding at least 20) who usually comes alone and is dressed way too young for her age (and usually too young for her body as well). Her one goal is to get a young, inexperienced guy who is too drunk to realize that she is old enough to be his mom.

All in all, if you like people-watching, head to a club/bar and take notes. Unless of course you are one of the stereotypes...in which case, go on and do your thing and I'll be there to smirk at you.

Anyone feeling generous?

If everyone pitches in a few dollars, you guys can get me a subscription to make full-length slideshows at Animoto for my birthday!

Woo!

Mid Twenties...Here I Come

Wow, I just wrote this huge self-pitying weblog about how hard it is to do anything on ones birthday and how birthdays used to mean so much more when we were kids. Phew. Glad I caught that one before it was published.

In other news, it's my birthday in roughly 5 days! Weeeeeee!

If anyone wants to try and do dinner or something some time around the 7th (probably after) I'd be up for it. Mass amounts of tests and papers prohibit much celebrating, but I can take a night off, right?