This site has taken many turns. It started out as a goofy way to link to funny pictures and complain about my loner-status. It then became a semi-regular window into my life (and all activities I deemed "news worthy"). After that, I went through a serious phase where my posts all had weight and gravitas (or so I liked to think). Now? Now I try and mix all the good parts from the past. Funny links mixed with life-updates and a sprinkling of serious topics makes for, [once more] in my opinion, a decent site that one might choose to visit now and then.
What I have stayed away from is using this site for angry name-calling (though it was incredibly tempting at times), serious self-help (I tried to keep my serious problems cloaked in obscurity so as not to be shouting, "Pity me!"), or taking myself too seriously (I never want to think that I am special because I write some words on the internet). But...there are always exceptions to the rules (though a recent episode of House had House saying, "No, there are not exceptions to every rule, that's why they call them rules" or something like that). I am now going to use this site as a way to express mildly angry name-calling (breaking rule #1), procure self-help (breaking rule #2), and take myself seriously (breaking rule #3). Well, at least for this particular post. Then it's probably back to posts about skid-marks and pictures of raccoons procreating.
The name-calling comes into play because I am angry at the economy. I know, it's kinda meta, but I'm angry that I put so much time into my chosen career of "filmmaker" and now that I'm ready to embark upon that adventure, there seems to be no way into said career. Why couldn't the depression have taken place while I was in school and not looking for a film job? Now that I'm ready to get that perfect job, people are being laid off left and right and those fateful words of my film school teachers ("Oh, getting a post-production job will be easy") haunt me.
The self-help and taking myself seriously are almost one in the same. I have a dilemma. I want to make films. That is, as far as I can tell, my calling. But at the same time I am going to be married in almost exactly one year. I told myself I would not get myself into said situation (marriage) unless I could take care of myself and my wife financially. I never wanted to be that guy who gets married and then ends up working three minimum-wage jobs just to make ends meet. With the economy as it is, I don't see myself getting "that awesome film job" any time soon. Since I do want to have the money to enable a not-super-stressful first year of marriage, I am now considering alternatives job-wise.
The situation is basically as follows: I have the possible ability to take a job that is secure, safe, and pretty good in way of making money. This job, however, is not at all what I saw myself doing at any point in my life.
So the dilemma is as follows: do I continue the search for that perfect film job that will, at very least, allow me to financially support my future family; or do I take a job that will definitely allow me security even though it is not something I particularly want to do? Is this one of those give-and-take kinda things that I have heard are so vital to a good married life? Or am I being pessimistic in thinking that I cannot get the job I desire (and possibly hindering my future in the film business due to taking even more time away from it)?
Right now I am seriously considering taking the secure job as a in-between thing until I can get a job I will come home from feeling fulfilled and happy. If you read this site, I would love for your input. I'm a bit lost in all of this and I'm hoping that I will suddenly see a sign that says, "Do THAT! No, seriously, do it. It's for the best!" But I know that is unlikely. Life is all about taking risks; and I'm trying to figure out which risk to take.
Anyway, just some thoughts that I hoped to get some input on.
6 comments:
Grant! I know this dilemma well, and it's one that I'm still struggling with in my own way.
A few months after I graduated from Chapman I found myself facing a choice of taking an office job full-time or pursuing my writing. Fortunately, I was able to split the difference and work at the office part time.
Then, after about a year, I was offered the chance to work full-time at the office again, and this time I took it. I had less time for my writing, but I actually ended up doing MORE of it because I was forced to be productive with the time I did have.
On top of that, I was able to enjoy the benefits of full-time employment and save enough money for my trip around the world, which eventually led me to Kim.
Life is a strange game.
I don't know what your potential "safe" job is, and I'm not sure what your "perfect film job" is either. But what I do know is that if film is really important to you, it's not something that you will give up on, just because you have another source of income.
That other source of income might, ultimately be what helps you get where you want to go. And if the job really isn't what you want, you can always quit!
But I would say that ultimately, it's better to take the opportunities that present themselves rather than lament the ones that don't.
That's some pretty darned good advice if I do say so myself. Thanks.
Yo! I'll chip in my $0.02 here (<---notice witty depression, high-tech version of cliche phrase!). I probably fit the description of one who frequents a decent site for said reasons. I also find myself in a similar (though not the same) boat as yourself and the illustrious Aro. Plus, we are really friends only on the internet or something, since we rarely ever see each other in person for some strange reason, despite reasonable efforts from both parties...so all the more reason to spill our guts to (mostly) complete strangers on the internetenyahus (who cohabitated in a house once upon a time).
I think Aro's advice kind of points out, in a way, that unlike the image you posted there's not really a right way and a wrong way necessarily, but your decision could be a fusion of both.
A verse likely to be heard quoted by yours truly when i find myself advising people on what they should do with their lives: "In his heart a man plans many things, but the LORD determines his steps." I don't know if this really gives you any practical advice on which road you should take, but if your focus is Christward you can't really go wrong and the rewards will be great now and ever after, even if the work is difficult.
I entered into a marriage not knowing if i could fully take care of myself and my wife financially. My guess is that Aro is doing the same. What i have realized (though yeah, it's hard at times & probably more stressful than having loads of ca$h) is that i DON'T provide for us financially. God does. And it's His responsibility to honor that as we do our best to honor Him. Yes, i technically "bring home the bacon", but it's all God's money/wealth to begin with.
When the Israelites were wandering in the desert for 40 years, they ate manna each day, each day having enough, each day gathering just enough for that day lest it become filled with maggots if they horded due to greed and/or lack of reliance on God. Only before the Sabbath did they gather enough for two days, and then God made the manna last the full two days. What is it? We don't know, but we eat it anyway and it sustains us in ways we do not understand.
My turn.... I think you should take a job that will pay the bills, and pursue your dream job on the side until you find it. Your wifey will likely appreciate this more and you won't have to deal with the stress of being newly married and not having enough money. And, as previously stated, you can always quit. It's easy to quit a job, but it's not easy nowadays to find a job.
I feel slightly silly as the only nowhere-near-getting-married friend and commenter here, but here it goes:
Kirsten is being rather practical, which is very understandable as security is something that most women find important in their marriage. AC's spiritual reference is basically what has gotten me to where i am today (26 y/o, very single, and haven't really found a stride in a career i've been pursuing for about half of my life), while trying to make use of the hybrid that Aro mentioned.
as the less practical person (as we all know), my two bits will resonate more with the gentlemen, but is a general idea. you mention the fact that you want to come home fulfilled and happy, but i believe that you will get this simply by coming home to a happy wife. she should (and i'm sure will) support your endeavors outside of your bread-winning job as a film maker. fact is, that depressions are times that people make themselves... especially those that don't have the money but the passion. if you can get enough money to put into your passion while paying the bills, i think that for the best. you're still working towards your dream... no matter how far away from it it seems that you are. you may have a better chance to make youself.
I know this is a late post, I got around to reading everyone's blogs today....but anyway..I think we've all struggled with stuff like this since college got out...
One thing that stuck out in this post to me that you wrote is that you're not at all where you pictured yourself to be at this point in your life.
I think it's difficult to allow yourself to take a different path than what you saw yourself as being, but sometimes you just have to let life flow.
If film is what you really truly want to do, then you will be able to do it, you just have to keep your eyes open for any and all opportunities (no matter how small) that come your way and grab them immediately. That means for now, get an in between job and make sure you're supporting yourself, but don't stay in it and get too comfortable when the film thing finally presents itself to you. Always be on the lookout, take weekend jobs in the film field and make connections....
I have had to have 3 jobs for the last few years, while working on my biz, and it takes time to root yourself in creative careers, so sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do something that isn't your idea of total fun. I'm finally looking into quitting all of my other jobs and I can tell you it is a refreshing feeling to know that I have worked for this so hard.
You and Meg will be just fine!
:)
Post a Comment