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Neverending Memories

I just saw the 19-something's version of 1984 (in movie form) which made me think 2 things: 1) I really want to read that book again, and 2) I sometimes wish that 4 could be 5. If it were possible to take a memory, a feeling, something that is deeply a part of you and just make it go away...would you? I would. There are parts of my life that I have surely learned from and surely gained something from, but given the chance, I would clean them from my memory in a second. If only a little torture and facing your worst fear could make you forget something.

I'm back from San Jo (pronounced "ho") and trying to relax a little. Sure...it seems that I should be relaxed after being home on vacation for a week, but no, I was busy busy busy and am now taking a vacation from my vacation. It was nice however. I even got to see:

Jordan (the Coke fiend (the cola, not the drug))

and:

Kevin (the Coke fiend (the drug, not the cola (just kidding)))

We all played a battle of the sexes board game in which we were asked questions such as "What is spoom?" and "How is dill best stored?" I'll give anyone $5 if they can tell me what spoom is without actually looking it up (I'm gonna have to take your word that you don't look it up, so don't take advantage of my trustworthy nature or I will have to take advantage of a metal baseball bat's hard nature)

It was a great trip, plus I got to drive through SNOW:

as we drove over the 5. It was nice to see some snow the day after Christmas. Yeah yeah, you guys in Oregon and places where you get snow can laugh all you like about having tons of snow, but then I'll laugh as you have to shovel it off of your driveway. I love snow.

And now it's time to sleep. And then I'll be busy all of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. When does it end!?! Goodnight y'all.





p.s. quick movie review:

LOTR: ROTK- Friggin excellent.

Stuck on You- Friggin ok.
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On the 5,000th Day of Christmas...

So we all know that Christmas is taking over the rest of the year, and that all the stores start hawking Christmas like a streetwalker hawks her body starting the day after Thanksgiving. We also know that this "time of cheer" ends up being a "time of hatred/stress/anxiety/hopelessness." However, if you know how to deal with it, this can be a fun time after all.

My trip home started with Chad and I both forgetting to pack underwear. How, one might ask, do two brothers both forget to pack underwear for their trip home for Christmas? It seemed like an evil ploy to get my mom to buy me new boxers, but no...I'm just dumb that way. In the store, getting new boxers, my mom was telling my dad the tale of underwearless woe when a random lady overheard and started laughing really loudly. She then asked if we were said sons who were lacking said underwear. I hid out of embarrassment and Chad leered at her with an "I'm not wearing underwear" kind of look.

Later some girl decided to use me to see if a jacket would fit her boyfriend. She must be dating on ogre because the jacket she had me put on went down to my knees. I had to stand there looking like I was a mentally handicapped boy trying to figure out what size I was until she was done "groping" me. That was her word, "Sorry I'm groping you."

So after trying on lots of pants while not wearing underwear, trying to convince my mom to get me a "stoner beanie" (the ones with the ear flaps on the side), and coming to a complete loss as to what to get my dad for Christmas...I went home exhausted.

Other than that I golfed in the rain, ate lots of mint brownies, walked through more malls than I can count (I can only count to 3), visited my grandpa, felt guilty over how much my parents spend on us kids, felt sad when I got my bank readout that said I only had $30 left in my account, got rained on some more, ran into some high school acquaintances who recounted tales of weight-training class in which I was "getting ripped", played with my doggy, and didn't sleep enough.

Nuff said. Time to wrap some more presents and then sleep with my shotgun as I wait for that skulking bastard Santa to come down one of our chimneys. Oh, he'll make great friends with Mr. Remington.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!
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On the Profound Effects of the Scottish Accent Upon the Homeless

I thought that, seeing as to how it is December 20th, it might be a good time to review my new year's resolutions from last year and see if I was able to meet my incredibly high standards for myself. Here's my list from my first entry of January of 2003 and the results:

Grant's New Years Resolutions for 2003

-- to not write "2002" on everything for the next three months
...*success* I only did this for the next 2months!

-- to write more in my journal
...*undetermined* I checked my journal and I wrote more for some periods of time, but then again, I haven't written in my journal for months on end. So you be the judge.

-- to take a road trip
...*success* For those of you who remember my harrowing account of Naomi and my trip to San Fran, this was a goal that was easily fulfilled.

-- to go to at least one big concert
...*success* I saw Tool, Silverchair, and more will come on this subject later.

-- to write at least five songs for my band
...*failure* Or maybe this one is null since I am no longer a Breakfast Epiphanian.

-- to never use the phrase "bling bling"
...*success* Thank God this was a success.

-- to stop leaving listerine pocket mint packages in my pants when i wash them
...*success* I am proud to say that I one upped this one...I stopped eating those damned addictive mints thereby making it impossible for me to leave a pack in my pocket.

-- to never do a cover of the song "jenny from the block"
...*success* Once more...thank God this was a success.

-- to quit my job at schlotzskeys
...*success* I aptly quit soon after the new year began. Hooray!

-- to take the condom off my bike seat (don't ask...I didn't put it there)
...*undetermined* My bike was stolen, so I never got a chance to take it off. Plus the rain washed most of the crumbling pieces of dried condom off the seat. So once more...you guys decide.

-- to move into my first house
...*success* Oh I love living in a house again.

-- to learn how to write more than just "grant" in hebrew
...*failure* In fact, I think I regressed. I forgot how to write Grant, but I did learn how to say 1-10, so maybe that counts?

-- to not end up naked in front of a group of more than three
...*failure* Heh, I just realized that I failed this one. During my surgery I was naked in front of an indeterminate amount of people...most likely 4 or more. WEEEE!

-- to never convince myself that i can sing well
...*success* Though at times I thought I had it...I never convinced myself that I REALLY had it.

-- to read at least twenty books (with more words than pictures)
...*undetermined* I think I set this one a little high. I did read at least 15, but I can't be sure of how many I read exactly.

-- to find at least one occasion for which i have to dress up
...*success* I went to a wedding. And no, I didn't wear jeans.

-- to cry at least one tear because i am so happy
...*success* Thanks Naomi.

I think I did pretty good. Mostly successes and unknowns. I'm not sure what I plan on trying to succeed this next year, but I'm sure "Not having my penis cut into, shot full of drugs, or dilated again" will be on the list.

I just saw a film called Sweet Sixteen which sounds allot like a crappy chick flick about a girl who is almost sixteen and has never dated and then she finds the right guy and her parents don't want her to date so she has to sneak around their backs and then gets in allot of trouble and you think that it's over between them, but then the guy in an unusual amount of romanticism for a 16 year old comes back and succeeds in making her his girlfriend and kisses her for her first time. But it's not. In fact it was about this Scottish kid who had the chance to make it big in the world but only through drug dealing and murder, so he has to choose between a good but poor life and a great but corrupt life. It was interesting because we had to turn the subtitles on due to their accents. I kid you not. I can understand Scottish accents pretty damned well, but their accents were SO strong that it sounded like another language and without subtitles it would have been unwatchable.

I'm going home for about a week, starting tomorrow. I'll end up playing golf, watching Lord of the Rings, Christmas shopping, and sleeping in allot. Oh, and maybe posting once or twice. So if you want to know how my exciting life continues, tune in later. Same Grant time. Same Grant channel.

P.S. I get to see The Psychedelic Furs on new year's eve. ROCK!
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On the Subject of Me

I haven't written anything in a really long while, so I thought I would merely for the sake of not leaving my site un-updated (un-dated?) for too long. So it's not my fault if this post sucks. Or it is and I just don't want to take the blame.

Recent Life Update:

Movie Reviews

-Bowling for Columbine: I really liked this movie. I thought that it debunked most of the myths about gun control out there. People need to not be stupid and realize that gun control won't solve our 11,000+ deaths due to guns a year. See it. It's not all right on, but it's good.

-Bubble Boy: Wait...before you laugh...this movie is REALLY funny. No...seriously. I didn't want to see this because, well, it looked horrible. I did, however, rent it because it's Jake Gyllenhall (did I just horribly mutilate his name?) and I was not disappointed. I would say that if you're in a stupid/funny movie mood...get this movie. Just wear a paper bag over your head as you rent it.

-A Might Wind: Another funny film from...um...whoever made those films. I would say that this ranks above Best In Show, a tiny bit below Spinal Tap, and below Waiting for Guffman. Pretty funny film, even if you are someone who doesn't like folk music (like myself).

-Swordfish: Not bad. I saw it on TV so I didn't get to see Halley Barry's boobs. Oh well.

-The Matrix: Revolutions: I expected to say that I hated this film because of how much I despised the second film; but hey, it really wasn't bad at all. Better amount of fight scenes, better acting, better crafted scenes, better drama, not nearly as much drull dialogue...so yeah, I actually really enjoyed it and wouldn't mind seeing it again.

Penis Review

-It no longer bleeds when I pee.

Other Than That Review

-I went bowling and hurt my hand trying to put spin on the ball. I played pool in a really creepy bar that was playing the History Channel which is somehow really wrong in a bar. I did more last minute homework than I ever hope to do every again in my entire life. I died a little inside when I found out that Robert Smith did a song with Blink 182 (ok, I died allot). I bought chocolate milk. I tried to buy a Playboy because of the articles (no really...I'm serious...the January issue, I am told, has a great article by Chuck Palahniuk and by Hunter S. Thompson) but like anyone would really believe that, plus nobody carries Playboy...seriously. I had a dream about spiders...lots of spiders.

Ok, I'm rambling now. I need to stop. I'm bored and am using this site as my whipping boy who I take out my bored aggression on. I apologize.
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The Plight of My Penis

If there is ANY part of a man's anatomy that he does not want in jeopardy.........it's his penis. Hell, give me broken bones, cataracts, horribly ingrown toenails....but stay the hell away from my penis.

Some of you might remember me talking about the trouble I've had with my penis. Others of you might merely remember that I talked about my penis because you thought it extremely weird/perverted/unnecessary. Well...plug your eyes if you don't want to hear some more...

Quick penis recap: I had scar tissue built up in my urethra and I had to have minor surgery to get the blockage cleared away.

Current penis recap: The scar tissue built back up, causing more pain when I urinated. WEE! Today I had to go in to the doctor and take off my clothes from the waist down. I then had to cover my exposed genitalia with a paper towel. The doctor came in and took a small clamp...or maybe you don't call it a clamp since it does the opposite of what a clamp does. But wait, it still clamps. Hrmm....well...basically it's two little metal prongs that go into the urethra and then open up, prying the hole wider, and then clamps in that position (kinda like the thing they use on girls at the gyno). Then he slathered some kind of numbing jelly into my urethra and gave me a shot in my penis. WEE! After a few minutes of pain, he walked over with a MUCH larger version of that clamp thing. Now, let's do a visualization here. Take a dime, now pretend that the opening to the urethra is that big (which, if you didn't happen to know, it's not). Now take a quarter...the size difference between the two is how much bigger the clamp thing was than the opening of my urethra. WEE! He slid it (or more like jammed it) inside and then squeezed a lever which opened the end of the clamp thereby dilating my urethra. All that I could get out of my mouth was, "ow."

Now I'm peeing blood again (and not just peeing...it kind of leaks out when I don't want it to...the blood, not the urine). Let's just say I've kinda lost hope that my penis will EVER go back to normal. And let's just say that hell can't be very different than having giant probes stuck down your penis.
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