This Might Make You Cringe

I have to give Sarah Brown props (wow, there's a word I never ever use) for this idea. I've been a reader of her site for some time, and she is co-creator of an event entitled "Cringe" during which people will read, in front of a nice little crowd, poetry, journals, love letters, etc, that were written from the adolescent days of angst and glory.

So now, for your reading dis/pleasure, a little unedited piece from my first journal I like to call "Grant was 18 and dating his first ever girlfriend and had not even held hands with a girl before this and had his first kiss." Otherwise obviously known as GW18ADHFEGAHNEHHWAGBTAHHFK:

Dec. 27th 2000

What a day. Definitely a day to remember and a fantastic place to start my journal. I met at S's house at 10:00 in the morning and we were both tired from talking till about 2:00am the night before. We wandered around her house for a while and decided to go to a park. We went to a park that still had Christmas decorations and we walked around for a while. We did a couple of things during our time together including thrift shopping, eating at Una Mas, looking around in Crown Bookstore, and then went back to my house. Here we sat around, talked, and S decided to feed me all the chocolate I got for x-mas. As she was feeding me the fourth one, with one arm around my waist, my dad decided to walk in. It was slightly embarrassing to say the least, but we had some good laughs over it.

My family wanted to go to dinner and a movie, and me and S didn't really want to see a movie, so we agreed to go to dinner, then go off and do our own thing. Since the movies started so soon, we couldn't go anywhere nice to eat and we ended up at Dairy Queen. My family left to go see Castaway, and me and S tried to think of something to do. We went back to my house and decided to dress goth, go to the mall, and scare some people. Only problem...S had no good clothes , and mine didn't fit her. So we forgot that idea and went to Starbucks to get some drinks. S ordered a small iced chai, I got a double tall mint mocha...and a thing of Starbucks mints (which came in handy later). We went to Barnes and Nobles and looked at some books, and soon got tired of that.

We drove around for a while and had nothing to do, so S said she would show me her old neighborhood, where she used to live. So we drove there and got out and walked around her neighborhood as she told me stories from her 14 years living there. We got back to the car at 9:00, and S had to be home by 10:00, so we started our goodbye right then. We love long goodbyes, so for the better part of an hour...we hugged. We stood there and hugged and talked, and it was wonderful.

The entire time in the back of my mind I knew I wanted to kiss her. I had never kissed a girl before, and knew that this was the right time. S said something about liking us just hugging, and I said, "I know something else I would like to do." I pulled her head off my shoulder and we kissed. It was amazing and fantastic and absolutely incredible. I have no clue how long it lasted, but my head was hazy, and my heart was beating faster and my legs were shaking. S asked me something to the extent of, "So, what do you think." And I could only respond with, "wow." S looked at me and said "more" and once again our lips were pressed together and nothing mattered in the world but S. Nothing made sense but her.

As we pulled away again my legs were really shaking. It was 9:55 and I had to take S home. I drove her to her house and walked her to the door, and once again we kissed on her doorstep. I said goodbye and drove home in a completely swoony happy state.

That was the best night of my life. Her lips were warm and soft, and as we kissed I could feel energy, I could feel the best thing I have ever felt in my life. I must say, that was an incredible experience. I am so glad that my first kiss was with S since I think I truly do love her. I would not have liked to share that experience with anyone else.