Everything Changed, Then it Changed Again...
(or)
Niceno-Constantinopolitan-Chalcedonian Orthodoxy

At this point in time, here and now, at this very moment, I, myself (not referring to anyone but me), have a considerable (and quite substantial) grasp, death-grip even, of my use, as was previously stated at least for the time being, of pleonasm.

Oh, and please forgive my nerdiness.

And my fragmented thoughts.

But here are some of them:

1. I have the coolest friends in the entire universe. No, sorry, your friends aren't as cool as mine. Don't believe me? Did your frineds do this:



Yeah...didn't think so.

2. I'm considering getting my motorcycle license this summer.

3. I'm considerably happier than I have been in a long time.

4. I'm considering re-painting my room this summer...you can help.

5. I think I need to do less considering and more doing.

6. Possibly less thinking and more doing as well.

7. Summer plans as of now:

-summer school
-family vacation
-exploration of the Brea hills
-best-friend trip to NY (or other awesome location)
-hanging out with you

---more fragmented thought to come soon.

My gosh...marketing GENIUS.

Waking up hazy with clarity boiling
Below the subconscious,
“Don’t think, are you thinking?”
A memory faultily feigning fallaciousness
Masking the past is the past is the past.
A glance or a blink or a twitch of the eye
And the air thickens, filled with intensity’s soul.
A life is a sliver of time slowed to nothing
In moments of brevity, terseness, expedience.
Slowness is toned down to flash frames of substance
Unknown, but importance is hardly just so.
Not saying no is not nothing unnecessary,
Words, though important, are crushed under night.
A reverse chronological changing of light,
“Are you thinking?”
“No, I’m just looking outside.”
A smirk softens, now just a curve on the right
As more clarity dawns upon detailed sight.
Hardly holding a breath, hardly able to breathe,
Turning hindrances into much less to believe.
Delusions are squandered and torn piece from piece,
Reconstructed as something of newness complete.
As complete as is possible, plausible, pondering:
What is now needed to fill in all needs?
“Shhhh, no more thinking…”
A pause, sounds deplete.
“I will think…
Think of how this all makes my heart beat.”

My First Black Eye



In the same vein as a Choose Your Own Adventure story, you guys will get to guess how I got my black eye and cuts!

a) I was heroically saving drowning puppies from a flooded pet store when a puppy-hater came in and tried to further the puppies immanent demise by lighting them all on fire. One would think that this was counterintuitive since they were already in water and the two elements don't really mix, but hey, who am I to tell him how to kill puppies? So we had an epic battle while swimming through the flooding pet store and there was fire and water and puppies, though I already mentioned those three items already. While rescuing the last poor little puppy the evil puppy-hater punched me in the face giving me a black eye, but then I escaped and locked him inside to drown with the bunnies and hamsters and other less-loved pets.

b) I was walking down the street when I saw a girl crossing when the No Walk sign was flashing. A speeding corvette was careening towards her and I knew she would run over if nobody saved her. I tossed my groceries in the air (because I was grocery shopping before hand and in a situation like this you don't simply set your groceries down nicely on the ground) and ran into the middle of the road. It was almost too late, but I grabbed her and jumped into the air just as the car was inches from turning us both into road kill. I planted one foot on the car and pushed off, doing a back flip while still holding the girl and landing gracefully on the ground as the car sped past. I set the girl down, bowed, and walked back to pick up my bruised avocados and other assorted damaged goods.

c) I got elbowed in the face playing basketball.

Don't Need the Sunshine



That was right after I found myself sitting in a tub filled with cold water in my boxers and right before the 17th Century Galliard Renaissance dancing.

Anyone here know how to decode Enigma coding? No? Good.

TQEWLZMMLABNBENQMLLGFEKOSKOHFMEXH
UYNGCZRDOMMRBIVSMXKLBUPCIHXXUIJFY
JRCEPIQPUOUXIBGCRGUJXLNVIRBYBACAI
UTNMTFTBLOGDLYDNOIKBTMBORITHCFMTU
AMWJ

I was just thinking...

If Cook or Die were a show, I would be an avid watcher.

I cannot know what I would be if I were not me,
I can only guess me

Thoughts strike me at odd times. Like now. Like another life I may have lived. Like this...

The first......told me she loved me. She told me she cared. She told me she cheated. She told me I didn’t love her. She told me I didn’t care. She told me she loved me. She told me it just wouldn’t work out.

The second was, well...... The one with the shark costume from the Halloween party. She told me I was funny. She told me I was interesting. She told me I was cute. She told me she couldn’t talk to me again because this wasn’t like her.

The third......told me she loved me. She told me she saw us growing old together. She told me this was new and unique and unlike her. She told me she hated me. She told me I hurt her. She told me she loved me but was not in love with me. She told me she had nothing to offer me.

The fourth......told me she had fun with me. She told me she was with someone else. She told me I was hot. She told me she felt something more. She told me I talked in circles and never made sense. She implied none of it mattered.

The fifth......told me she missed me. She told me I was a prick and an ass and was and still am full of myself. She told me she loved me. Loves me? She told me I am right for her, but I don’t think she is right for me. She told me she wanted to be with me. She told me I was not ready to be with anybody.

......is, I just found out, married. Another has never had, and still does not want, a boyfriend. Another is unattractive. Another is dating and would simply be too weird to take to the next level.

Life is just happening. Today is just a day leading into the next. The more I live in the present, the more I want to go be someone new and do something new and try something new. I want to travel to other countries by myself. I want to live in another state or country by myself. I want to start over. I want to rid myself of the desire for love and companionship as I currently view it. I want to push all my boundaries and crush all my comfort zones and destroy my present conceptions of the world and life and love and sex and girls and happiness and everything everything everything.

I’m in a city I don’t want to live in. I’m at a job that I don’t want to be at. I’m at a school that will not further my career. I’m a constant resident of change. I eat flux and drink lack of consistency for all my meals. I have no home.

The first was me being delusional and believing in true love at first sight rather than true lust. I was nice to the point of death and forgiving to the point of absurdity. I knew it was not right.

The second was me being “adventurous” and “outgoing” and stupid. It was me trying to fill a growing gap I was not even aware existed. I knew it was not right.

The third was me underestimating how weak my will was. It was me giving into emotion. It was me using another as a painkiller. I knew it was not right.

The fourth was me underestimating my ability to gain control of another’s thoughts and emotions. It was me being careless and reckless. It was me trying out not caring and not caring that I didn’t care. I knew it was not right.

The fifth was me seeing myself in another and being drawn in despite my knowledge of what it really was. It was me letting another fulfill emotion despite knowing it would not be requited. I knew it was not right.

The one I never had was seemingly perfect but obviously immature. Who I am to talk? Who I am to call another immature? She was. It was me seeing my future bright and clear before my eyes. It was me smiling to myself knowing I lucked out. It was me being content for the first time in the longest time. It was me.

I didn’t know it was not right.

Creepy or Funny?

I really can't decide:




p.s. Why have I never thought of switching my hair with each of my friends through photoshop before? Seriously!