Road Trip Travel Log

Notice: Though situations and events may appear false or exaggerated, all events (including those not photographically proven true) are indeed true. No names or places have been changed to protect the embarrassed. All material given is suitable blackmail material.

On the Road to San Jose

Naomi and I set out bright and early with 320 cd's, a bag of junk food, a full tank of gas, and 380 miles to traverse. I tied a small plush soccer ball attached to an elastic cord to the back of Naomi's car, offering countless minutes of laughter as it bounced haphazardly around in the wind. This was followed by a brief stop at a Red Robin where we stole a cup and made a little man out of a cheese stick, lettuce, ketchup, and a french fry. We reached San Jose 6 hours later.

San Jose

My brother happens to have a huge bucket filled with Golf Land tokens. (for those not in the know...Golf Land is a miniature golf place with an arcade) Naomi and I packed up a baggie with about $100 worth of tokens and cautiously entered the arcade with tokens hidden in purse. It seems that Golf Land has changed all their machines since these tokens were obtained, making them obsolete in all but one machine. One machine that is quite generous in the ticket giving department. Luckily this machine had a twin sitting right next to it. So we pumped every last token into this game...and jammed one of the machines in the process. We walked up to the counter and handed the guy a recoculous amount of tickets. Ends up we swindled a good 15,000+ tickets. We started talking to this oh so helpful employee and found that he hated his job. This led to him giving us a bunch of useless crap that would have cost us many more thousands of tickets. Hoorah for disgruntled employees of minimum wage jobs. We hit the local Toys R Us to try and find some madlib books, and I spent the whole time riding around the store on a little scooter...nearly killing some unaware pedestrians. Then I was attacked by a large plastic ball thingy. Then we prepared for San Francisco. I prepared a little more than Naomi did.

San Francisco

We found our hostel, got aquainted with the room, got bundled up, and went out to find what we could find. This included a gang of chefs, one transvestite, more massage parlors and hot bath houses than you could shake a stick at, and a surprisingly easy to use public transportation system. We spent each morning at the Moulin Rouge, a French themed, American breakfast restaurant run by a Chinese couple. Then we went to Height Street (of which our only photographic evidence is this tree) where we found plenty of cool thrift stores. Now I'm not known to drink alcohol, but I still somehow end up doing things you would only expect a drunk to do. I ended up in some extremely tight leather pants. I ended up doing this (please don't ask...I truthfully have no clue). And I snorted a pile of pepper up my nose at some restaurant. That last one left a burning sensation in my nostrils for a good two hours. We then found a leather shop that had everything half off. This included some bracelets, wristbands, and...seeing as this ended up also being a sex store...whips, chains, paddles, and some large spiky metal devices I don't even want to know about. That night we went up Grant Street and walked through Chinatown. I almost ended up with a ninja sword, a grappling hook, and some ninja stars. Oh, and this great hat that had a fake black pony tail attached to the back. Naomi bartered with the jewelry store owners to try and score an amber or jade ring, but found nothing.

On the Road to Orange

We stopped to get some breakfast at a place called the Cup and Saucer. I busied myself with attempting to balance all the creams on top of each other. And believe me, I was quite content with myself when I accomplished this difficult feat. We drove through some ridiculously heavy fog over a lake, which looked beautiful. We stopped at Red Robin again. They didn't recognize us. They didn't mention a missing cup. We were in the clear. We passed a field that seemed to be on fire. And we finally ended up at home sweet home.

Over all, this trip rocked the free world...and communist china...and Chinatown for that matter. I ended up with a leather bracelet, 10 new cd's, and enough embarrassing pictures to last a lifetime (oh, you think you saw all the pictures? ha!) Good times. Good times indeed. Next time it's all the way to Oregon baby. Or Vegas. Who knows.

p.s. every time a roll of film is taken where I am one of the subjects...a pictures just like this ends up in the mix. Every time. Just like that. I must have 15 pictures of my chin. And I'm really not sure why.