I'm thinking about shaving my hair into a mohawk.

I was having a conversation tonight at dinner about flavor. I don't know about you, but I can't stand eating onions, peppers, or tomatos (in chunks). However, I do enjoy the flavor of these items. So I tend to order food with these items, just for the flavor. I merely push the onions or peppers to the side, and enjoy the flavor without actually having the food. This got me thinking. What else in our lives is like this? Do we date people for the flavor...never actually intending to do more than push them to the side when enough flavor has been achieved? Do we create drama in our lives, just for the flavor, knowing full well that since we created it, we can destroy it? What about morals and values? Do we say we have them, since they add a nice spice to our lives, but when it comes down to it, we know we would never take a bite?

I think there are too many parts of our lives that we just enjoy the flavor of. The problem is, many of these flavors are much more than just flavor. You can't help but saturate yourself even though you just want a taste. It would be like drinking vodka...just for the flavor. Sure you just like the taste, but chances are...you're gonna get drunk. Even if that wasn't the intent.

It seems to me that aspiring young internet-entrepreneurs are missing the boat. Somehow, everyone who is anyone is invading people's personal space with pop-up ads. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if ANYBODY wanted the products being advertised. The only people buying those little wireless cameras will one day be in prison for having a stockpile of video taken from inside a duffelbag, aimed up, so as to see under girl's skirts. The only people who are clicking on the "YOU'VE WON! INSTANT WINNER! FREE PRIZE!" banners aren't the brightest, and will lose interest quickly when it is made apparent that money has to be spent to receive this "free" prize. And my favorite pop up ad is the new "Tired of pop up ads? Get Pop Up Killer!" pop up ads. Isn't that kind of self-defeating. Or maybe it's like lighting someone on fire and then offering them a bucket of water...for a small price. These people all have their good/greedy intentions though...they want to make money. But if you want to make money...at least make your add make sense. That is all I ask. Yesterday I got this message:

If there was a magic button what would YOU get? YOU better pressed it?

umm...yes, I had better pressed it...since I do everything in past tense. Needless to say, I did not press my magic button.

Speaking of magic buttons...I started bartending school yesterday. (yes, I realize that bartending school has nothing to do with magic buttons, but I was trying to work on better transitions) I was handed a stack of over 200 flashcards with drinks names on one side, and how to make it on the other. I think they name these drinks for the amusement of the bartender. I'm just waiting for the day when someone leans over the bar and says to me, "Can I have a Blowjob?" Or, "Gimme an Orgasm." I don't know about you, but I would stray from ordering a drink which makes it sound like I'm asking for sexual favors.

P.S. As I was typing this I got another pop up ad which enticed me with some game where you kill Sadaam or something. It was called Wham Bam Sadaam. Only problem, it’s pronounced Suh-dom, not Suh-damn. So not only do I hate them for their pop up ad, but they can’t even rhyme.

After reading Que Sera Sera tonight...I couldn't help but think of how I am with endings. Not only am I bad with endings, but I need them. "whaaa?" is the proper response. I'll explain. I hate goodbyes. I hate finishing a book. I hate filling in the last page of a journal. On the other hand...sometimes goodbye's are the only way. If I start a book, I can't rest till it's over. I am compelled to fill every page of my journals. What does this mean? I'm addicted to finishing things, and hate when I do so. It's some wacky, non-sexual sado-masochism of sorts. Take the most mundane task...something like putting address stamps on thousands of coupon booklets for Schlotzskey's Deli...if I start, I HAVE to finish it. What happens if I don't finish something? It eats away at me. I can't think of anything else. I can't take my mind completely away from whatever it is that I did not finish.

I have had two dating relationships. One went horribly awry, and the other has been, and still is, the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me. The problem? I didn't "finish" the first relationship. "Well Grant" it is time for you to say, "how does one...FINISH...a relationship?" Good question oh faithful reader. One finishes a relationship by either staying with it till death, or by being content with how it ended. I would have had to have been suicidal to do the first, and due to details better left unsaid...I can in no way be content with how it ended.

Now don't get me wrong...when I go to the bathroom I don't have the insatiable urge to finish off the whole roll of toilet paper. When I open a quart of ice cream I don't have to convince myself to not eat the whole thing. And I am, in no way, ready to "finish" life. There are certain things better left unfinished.

I will always remember that I didn't go to the last 2 classes of tae kwon do, thereby forfeiting the piece of paper that says I am a black belt...even though I have passed the test and am exactly that...a first degree black belt.

I will always remember not finishing the applications to USC and UCLA, therefore forfeiting the knowledge of whether I could have gotten in or not, thereby giving me more options.

I will always remember the foolishness of my first relationship and the lack of closure before it ended, thereby forfeiting the ability to forgive and forget.

...then again, I saved hundreds of dollars and did not give in to the overcommercialization of a tae kwon do school that was giving in to publicity.

...then again, I ended up at Chapman (which I most likely would not have had I been accepted to the other schools), and have since changed who I am for the better and have gained true happiness.

...then again, I didn't stick with a relationship that was doing nothing but making me unhappy...and have since found what true love actually means.

::

So maybe not EVERYthing needs to be finished.

Ok, it took me 4 hours to get to this point. "This point" being the point where I have the internet in my room. I've been working on getting the connection up for four hours now, and I now have access to my beloved internet. I was going through some pretty bad withdrawls...but the shaking has subsided, and I have an appetite again. Time for another mini-update? YES!

--my "nearly broken toe" IS broken...or at least it sure seems that way
--i start bartending school on Monday
--my girlfriend bought me a Maxim when I wasn't feeling well...I have the coolest girlfriend in the universe
--i am (shamefully) addicted to Sex and the City

Since moving into this new house, I have been confronted with a new task...shopping. Oh I shopped before...but never like I have to shop now. This new task of shopping has led me to the 98 cent store. Oh the wonderous glories of anything you want for a mere 98 cents. I was, however, taken back by some of the items you could buy for less than a dollar. I have, since then, compiled a list of items that should, under ALL circumstances, cost more than a dollar...otherwise...think of the consequences:

--hair dye
--meat or dairy products
--surplus pack of condoms
--bike helmet
--rock climbing carabeener
--3 pack of underwear
--10 pack of razors
--vitamins
--safety goggles
--buzzsaw blades
--gun ammo

However, all microwave food items are acceptable at the cost of 98 cents. As are peanut butter fudge cookies. Like the ones I'm about to consume.
.
.
.
.
.
dangit...i got chocolate on the keyboard...

I'M ALIVE!

Hello? Um...anyone? ::wind blows and crickets chirp...maybe a pin drops:: Maybe I was away too long. Hopefully y'all haven't given up on me. It just so happens that I have been in the process of moving into a new house. Well, an old house which is new to me. And I must say, it's nice. This nice house, however, does not have internet access yet...hence the lack of writing recently. And now...I still don't have it. But I just drove 360 miles so I could write this. Ok, so that's a lie. I really drove 360 miles to see my family...but heck...you guys are like family too! Life is crazy and hectic and all that jazz. Mini-update-list-thingy-time? Yes...I think so:

--got more antibiotics...and no finger's going places they shouldn't this time.
--saw the Matrix...was pleased
--graduated from Sophmore year...with only one C
--cut my finger on a blender blade, bled from my eyebrow piercing, nearly broke my pinky toe, cut open my leg, and hit my head
--ate some macaroni and cheese

I came home to find my bathroom stripped of wallpaper, toilet paper holder, and medicine cabnet...my backyard full of men who are tearing apart half the backyard...my room filled with new furniture...and a bunch of my stuff missing...looks like the world does not stop turning just because you leave a place for a while. And before I get all sentimental and mushy...or depressed...or something...I'm going to go read. No...not porn.