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I Have to Pee Again!?!
My gosh...I have already urinated like 5 times within the last couple hours and now I have to pee again. What is this? Have the magical gods of urination decided to bless me with the ability to pee more than I drink? Wait. What am I urinating out? Is my body sucking blood from inside of me and purifying it and then spewing it out of my body at an alarmingly rapid pace?
Quote of the Week
"I see her and I'm like....woah.....zip."
Reason #5 to Have Your Own Bathroom
Someone is in the shower and I really have to pee.
Oh...great...and now I'm bleeding from my eyebrow piercing.
Sorry...I'm gonna have to end this to go tend to my bleeding head and need to urinate. Please forgive me.
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Friday, February 27, 2004
Sunday, February 22, 2004
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American Optimism Strikes Again!
With deadly accuracy and with careful precision, America's favorite media feeling -optimism- has deftly struck another blow towards the already fragile psyches of the pathetic public. Obviously I am talking about Sex and the City...what else? Let's get over the fact that this is a well made show and that I have found it more than moderately interesting and intriguing over the past couple years. Now that we're over that...let's get to my point. The last episode of this show was on tonight. No more. Ever. And you might want to cover your ears if you don't want info about this episode....I warned you....now you can't get mad at me with complete and utter predictability the show changed styles completely and went with the over-emotional, fairy-tale ending completely lacking in humor and wrapping up every possible issue in 40 minutes. The first couple seasons of this show were about one thing...trying to find true love but only finding sad silhouettes of love disguised as men who only wanted sex or else didn't know the first thing about love. Why was this refreshing? Because for once a show didn't have these fairy-tale romances of perfection and bliss. Then the writers got to a tough spot...the last episode. They realized that -like any good show- there were many many major plot points that were yet to be hashed out and solved. So -like any good American movie or show- major life changing issues were resolved, major life changing emotions were felt and dealt with, and major life changing decisions were made....all in the span of 2 days. Yes, that's right folks....you too can have eternal bliss and happiness at the touch of a dial. Just call this number and sell us your soul and in 5 eeeeeasy payments of $59.95 you too can be like Carry Bradshaw and be happy forever! Sorry no COD's. Is it too much to ask that a show end and not every string has been neatly tied to another end? I want some fraying, I want some unevenness, I want reality...which the show had (or as much reality as a tv show can have) and then flung away for a heartfelt romance novel last page. How many of you out there have been deeply in love and then decided in the span of 2 weeks that it was all wrong and then found yourself in the comforting arms of a perfect relationship within 2 minutes of that decision to get out of the previous relationship that was thought to be utterly perfect? If that's you, call up Oprah because man...you're gonna be famous. Let's just get one thing straight. Life doesn't solve itself in 30 minutes. Relationships are never perfect fairy-tales. Problems arise, and as those are solved, new problems arise and so it goes till we help some grass grow and feed some hungry insects. Sorry to be cynical, but in all truthfulness the totally uneasy and not completely neatly tied up ends of foreign films give me a bigger warm and fuzzy feeling in my tummy than the make-believe of American media that fuels the imaginations of all who partake and leaves them broken and disillusioned.
< /soapbox >
.
American Optimism Strikes Again!
With deadly accuracy and with careful precision, America's favorite media feeling -optimism- has deftly struck another blow towards the already fragile psyches of the pathetic public. Obviously I am talking about Sex and the City...what else? Let's get over the fact that this is a well made show and that I have found it more than moderately interesting and intriguing over the past couple years. Now that we're over that...let's get to my point. The last episode of this show was on tonight. No more. Ever. And you might want to cover your ears if you don't want info about this episode....I warned you....now you can't get mad at me with complete and utter predictability the show changed styles completely and went with the over-emotional, fairy-tale ending completely lacking in humor and wrapping up every possible issue in 40 minutes. The first couple seasons of this show were about one thing...trying to find true love but only finding sad silhouettes of love disguised as men who only wanted sex or else didn't know the first thing about love. Why was this refreshing? Because for once a show didn't have these fairy-tale romances of perfection and bliss. Then the writers got to a tough spot...the last episode. They realized that -like any good show- there were many many major plot points that were yet to be hashed out and solved. So -like any good American movie or show- major life changing issues were resolved, major life changing emotions were felt and dealt with, and major life changing decisions were made....all in the span of 2 days. Yes, that's right folks....you too can have eternal bliss and happiness at the touch of a dial. Just call this number and sell us your soul and in 5 eeeeeasy payments of $59.95 you too can be like Carry Bradshaw and be happy forever! Sorry no COD's. Is it too much to ask that a show end and not every string has been neatly tied to another end? I want some fraying, I want some unevenness, I want reality...which the show had (or as much reality as a tv show can have) and then flung away for a heartfelt romance novel last page. How many of you out there have been deeply in love and then decided in the span of 2 weeks that it was all wrong and then found yourself in the comforting arms of a perfect relationship within 2 minutes of that decision to get out of the previous relationship that was thought to be utterly perfect? If that's you, call up Oprah because man...you're gonna be famous. Let's just get one thing straight. Life doesn't solve itself in 30 minutes. Relationships are never perfect fairy-tales. Problems arise, and as those are solved, new problems arise and so it goes till we help some grass grow and feed some hungry insects. Sorry to be cynical, but in all truthfulness the totally uneasy and not completely neatly tied up ends of foreign films give me a bigger warm and fuzzy feeling in my tummy than the make-believe of American media that fuels the imaginations of all who partake and leaves them broken and disillusioned.
< /soapbox >
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Tuesday, February 17, 2004
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What's the Problem with the Passion?
Yes...I know you are sick of hearing about Mel Gibson's new film which I will just call The Passion. So the only reason I'm talking about it is that it is making me so angry whenever I hear all these debates about whether it is going to make people more anti-Semitic...or these arguments that the film is anti-Semitic...or that the film should be blacklisted....or etc etc etc. This is a VERY simple matter. First...if people are going to say that the movie is anti-Semitic and will fuel anti-Semitism among the people...then our next step should be to ban the Bible......because guess what? Mel Gibson didn't freaking write the story. It's called the Bible and it's been around for thousands of years and if a movie is going to make people more anti-Semitic then we should sterilize those people and never allow them to watch TV because they are so simple minded, easily persuaded, and just plain stupid that they don't even realize that Jewish people killing Jesus is necessary for Christianity. Second...who is going to become more anti-Semitic after seeing this film? The athiest/agnostics/buddhists/hindus/daoists/etc? Hardly. Why would they care since they don't believe in Jesus being the Son of God? Then who? The white supremacists? I truthfully have no clue what their vendetta is against the Jews since they don't care about Christ or Christianity. Then who? The Christians? I sure as hell hope not. If the Christians are going to become anti-Semitic because they see a film that shows Jewish people as the cause of Christ's crucifixion...they need to rethink their religion. Guess what? Without Jesus dying you don't have a resurrection...without a resurrection you DON'T HAVE CHRISTIANITY. So if Christians are going to get upset, they haven't so much as cracked open a Bible or delved into the most basic of stories of Christianity and don't realize that space aliens could have killed Jesus and it would have made no difference....we should be thanking the part of the Jewish community from thousands of years ago who influenced Christ's crucifixion because without that, Christianity wouldn't be here today.
Sigh....
There is no debate. The film is an accurate depiction of a historical story. Do we try to ban WWII films because they will make us think poorly of the Germans? No. So what's different here?
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What's the Problem with the Passion?
Yes...I know you are sick of hearing about Mel Gibson's new film which I will just call The Passion. So the only reason I'm talking about it is that it is making me so angry whenever I hear all these debates about whether it is going to make people more anti-Semitic...or these arguments that the film is anti-Semitic...or that the film should be blacklisted....or etc etc etc. This is a VERY simple matter. First...if people are going to say that the movie is anti-Semitic and will fuel anti-Semitism among the people...then our next step should be to ban the Bible......because guess what? Mel Gibson didn't freaking write the story. It's called the Bible and it's been around for thousands of years and if a movie is going to make people more anti-Semitic then we should sterilize those people and never allow them to watch TV because they are so simple minded, easily persuaded, and just plain stupid that they don't even realize that Jewish people killing Jesus is necessary for Christianity. Second...who is going to become more anti-Semitic after seeing this film? The athiest/agnostics/buddhists/hindus/daoists/etc? Hardly. Why would they care since they don't believe in Jesus being the Son of God? Then who? The white supremacists? I truthfully have no clue what their vendetta is against the Jews since they don't care about Christ or Christianity. Then who? The Christians? I sure as hell hope not. If the Christians are going to become anti-Semitic because they see a film that shows Jewish people as the cause of Christ's crucifixion...they need to rethink their religion. Guess what? Without Jesus dying you don't have a resurrection...without a resurrection you DON'T HAVE CHRISTIANITY. So if Christians are going to get upset, they haven't so much as cracked open a Bible or delved into the most basic of stories of Christianity and don't realize that space aliens could have killed Jesus and it would have made no difference....we should be thanking the part of the Jewish community from thousands of years ago who influenced Christ's crucifixion because without that, Christianity wouldn't be here today.
Sigh....
There is no debate. The film is an accurate depiction of a historical story. Do we try to ban WWII films because they will make us think poorly of the Germans? No. So what's different here?
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Saturday, February 14, 2004
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Happy Love Day©!
By the way...I changed Valentine's Day to Love Day© because I still wanted to do stuff but not because Hallmark tells me to. So I made a new holiday. You guys can still celebrate the bloody past and dreary present of Valentine's Day while I celebrate a day that has allot more meaning to me. And I don't even have to buy a Happy Love Day© card! Or chocolate! I'm tellin' you guys...make the switch. Boycott Valentine's Day and make your own cards and never even SAY Valentine's Day. Just a "Happy Love Day©" will do just fine.
HAPPY LOVE DAY©!
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Happy Love Day©!
By the way...I changed Valentine's Day to Love Day© because I still wanted to do stuff but not because Hallmark tells me to. So I made a new holiday. You guys can still celebrate the bloody past and dreary present of Valentine's Day while I celebrate a day that has allot more meaning to me. And I don't even have to buy a Happy Love Day© card! Or chocolate! I'm tellin' you guys...make the switch. Boycott Valentine's Day and make your own cards and never even SAY Valentine's Day. Just a "Happy Love Day©" will do just fine.
HAPPY LOVE DAY©!
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Tuesday, February 10, 2004
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It's Time for a Revolution
I got out of my car after my hip hop class (no, that wasn't a typo) and Naomi came bounding out of her house and said, "I need to go to the sex store for condoms...wanna come with me?" Of course I wanted to, so we drove to ConRev (or Condom Revolution for the less informed...like me) and headed inside. We were looking for non-lubricated, ribbed, colored condoms. This ended up not being as easy as we first thought because I guess that sex stores now only carry weird textured condoms and not ribbed...or at least we couldn't find any. So we settled for lubricated, colored condoms. Four colors, six of each, only $12, not too bad. We drove home with our little black bag full of condoms and went into her room and locked the doors. We spread a towel out on the floor and I opened the first condom and unrolled it. I cut off the tip, sliced it down the side, and Naomi mod podged it on her first sculpture from her sculpture class. We then repeated the process, getting lube all over our hands...that's why we wanted non-lubricated.
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It's Time for a Revolution
I got out of my car after my hip hop class (no, that wasn't a typo) and Naomi came bounding out of her house and said, "I need to go to the sex store for condoms...wanna come with me?" Of course I wanted to, so we drove to ConRev (or Condom Revolution for the less informed...like me) and headed inside. We were looking for non-lubricated, ribbed, colored condoms. This ended up not being as easy as we first thought because I guess that sex stores now only carry weird textured condoms and not ribbed...or at least we couldn't find any. So we settled for lubricated, colored condoms. Four colors, six of each, only $12, not too bad. We drove home with our little black bag full of condoms and went into her room and locked the doors. We spread a towel out on the floor and I opened the first condom and unrolled it. I cut off the tip, sliced it down the side, and Naomi mod podged it on her first sculpture from her sculpture class. We then repeated the process, getting lube all over our hands...that's why we wanted non-lubricated.
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Sunday, February 08, 2004
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Beauty School Dropout
Tonight a man guarding the door of the local bowling alley asked me for an I.D., told me I could not wear a beanie, and proceeded to tell me that I am more fashionable without a beanie than with one...meaning I look bad in a beanie. Since when do bowling alley bouncers have so much authority?
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Beauty School Dropout
Tonight a man guarding the door of the local bowling alley asked me for an I.D., told me I could not wear a beanie, and proceeded to tell me that I am more fashionable without a beanie than with one...meaning I look bad in a beanie. Since when do bowling alley bouncers have so much authority?
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Monday, February 02, 2004
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Halftime [strip] Show
So during the superbowl halftime show, Justin Timberlake ripped off the cover of Janet Jackson's right breast. Luckily Naomi and I were taping this event and could go back and watch in slow motion...pausing at the crucial moments. THIS ARTICLE says that Justin, Janet, MTV, and everyone said it was unplanned and regrettable. Well, it sure seemed planned since he just kinda reached over and ripped it off...and since Janet was wearing a nipple cover (or so it seemed). Boy I love football.
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Halftime [strip] Show
So during the superbowl halftime show, Justin Timberlake ripped off the cover of Janet Jackson's right breast. Luckily Naomi and I were taping this event and could go back and watch in slow motion...pausing at the crucial moments. THIS ARTICLE says that Justin, Janet, MTV, and everyone said it was unplanned and regrettable. Well, it sure seemed planned since he just kinda reached over and ripped it off...and since Janet was wearing a nipple cover (or so it seemed). Boy I love football.
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