Money is the Root of All Personality Traits?

In a matter of weeks I have changed my job from barista to psychoanalyst. Who knows...maybe this could catch on...get your morning coffee and a quick mental breakdown for one semi-low price. You can tell all kinds of things about people by looking at their daily, mostly subconscious activities...like getting coffee. When you work at a coffee shop, you are merely a machine employed to do the customer's bidding; nobody expects you to actually think, especially not think about them. One of the easiest ways to tell about someone is how they use money. Here's what I've figured out, and you can see where you fit in:

Psychoanalysis of a Barista: Part 1
(Money)

The Crisp New Bills: Often a business man/woman. Rarely in small denominations. The crisp bills compliment their nicely manicured nails, flashy watch, white teeth, and hurried actions. Often digs crisp bills out of a stack of other just as crisp bills. Tips? Either nothing, or allot...never in between.

The Wadded Mess of Money: Often a kid, or disheveled adult. Usually has just enough to cover the price of the drink. Often tries to straighten out the bills as if embarrassed of the crinkled nature of the money. Usually a relaxed demeanor. Tips? Never.

All Change: Varied looks, always insanely thrifty. Even if the drinks add up to 8 or 9 dollars, all of it will be paid in change, holding up the line all for the sake of not breaking that $20. Always makes small talk about using so much change. Always feels guilty and tries to make up for it by smiling allot and apologizing profusely. Tips? Only if change is lower than 10 cents.

Exact Change: The usuals...the ones who come in once, twice, or three times a day. They know their drinks, we know their drinks, and they don't like waiting for change. Often hand off money and walk away before any questions can be asked. Tips? Either nothing or allot.

The $100 Bill: Varied looks, but always someone who is trying to be sneaky and break the bill. The order is always $5 or less, but they still hand you a $100 bill and act like they are surprised that it's all they have. They are given away by starting the surprised look before they even look in their wallet. We don't take $100 bills. They sigh and pull out a credit card or smaller bills every time. Tips? Never.

The Math Minded: These are the people who throw in a few bills or coins extra to make the change an exact amount so they end up with all bills or specific change. Usually looks down upon person as register and explains that they realize they have handed you more than necessary thinking that since said person works at a nearly minimum wage job, said person must not know math. Tips? Never.

The Reluctant Payer: This is the person who acts like they are doing you a favor by paying for their drink. You say the price, they roll their eyes, then they slowly...very slowly...count out the change and hand it to you like they should not have to pay so much for coffee...yet here they are at *bucks. Tips? Never...and possibly even takes money FROM the tips and pays with it if in need of a dime or two.

Stay tuned kids...next week maybe I'll cover the passive-aggressive, the openly aggressive, and the looking-for-a-handout customers.