Alright...so it's been a while. And for good reason. I'm busy as fcuk (I hope you're not dyslexic). Breakfast Epiphanies not only has a revamped site, but has played two shows in the last week. I'm getting up to speed at Schlotzkey's Deli (so that's one smoked turkey on sourdough with everything we normally put on it?) And I've finally started to eat more. Over a 72 hour period of time I had eaten three minimal and very non-nutritious meals. Then my body got angry. Here's the dialogue that ensued:

body: hey...idiot...you aren't feeding me anymore.
me: yeah...so?
body: that doesn't make me happy.
me: so?
body: so? so try and function normally without my compliance.

That's about the time that my body gave out on me. I decided that nearly fainting a number of times was enough reason to start rehabilitating my malnourished body. And other than that...I'm learning Hebrew, I'm making a public service announcement for The United Way, I'm planning a costume for Halloween, I'm reading like crazy, and every once in a while I'm going to class and sleeping. Those last two aren't separate by the way.

So go and read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, and Still Ain't Seen Nothin' Commin' by...um...shoot. By this incredibly articulate 15 year old.

I'm going to go and do something else now. Please forgive me for ignoring you my lovely readers. Maybe for your dedication I'll send you some Breakfast Epiphanies merchandise. We now have buttons!!!

check it...the new BE website is up and runnin'.

(i've resorted to single lines of text with links to things more interesting than my writing...isn't this sad?)

this is me going completely insane...

From :
To : "Greenmoose"

Hi there!

I got your email from Jennifer and I just wanted to tell you strait up, I really like 2 F*CK!
She told me u're into f*ckin' too. Lets hookup for a juicy weekend (maybe even this weekend)
and cum together!

can't wait to f*ck like rabbits,
Jen

..............................................................

From : "Greenmoose"
To :

Hi Jen!

It's good to hear that you and Jen are having some nice conversations about me and how into f*cking I am. I'm also really into good spelling...so it looks like you're a winner! And boy do I like it when people use numbers as words. u're 2 cool...strait up! I'm sorry to say that I will have to turn down your offer for a juicy weekend even though it sounds very...um...juicy. And even though I sure hate to turn down an offer to procreate, it's not exactly my thing to hook up with random girls and have sex. That and I kind of have a girlfriend. Looks like you'll have to spend Saturday night on the street corner like usual.

maybe another time...no, maybe not,
Grant

October 11- 1:00am: Del Taco
October 12- 2:00am: Jack in the Box

this is kind of a disturbing trend...

So I have no life. Wait...scratch that...I have too much life. In other words...I don't have the lazy slacker life I'm used to. I now have a job at a deli with an unpronouncable name where I get to brush up on my spanish. I was abducted into next weeks "airband" show, in which I am the bassist for a new rendition of Gwen's I'm Just a Girl. Breakfast Epiphanies is trying to record its next demo CD. And amidst all this I have to find time to eat (see above chart).

Speaking of the band...we're stackin' on the gigs. So if you're in the Orange area...come by and see us:

most Mondays: The Ugly Mug Cafe (on Glassell, by Chapman University) 9:00-11:00
October 25th: Chapman University, Henley basement 7:00-10:00
October 26th: Chapman University 4:00-6:00

And it just hit me. It's 2:30am, I have to be up at 10:00 for band practice, I'm feeling disgustingly ill from consuming an Ultimate Cheeseburger (otherwise known as the Ultimate-take-away-2-years-of-your-life-with-every-Cheeseburger), and I have absolutely nothing interesting to say. So I'll leave you with everyone's favorite game:

GUESS WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!

ed: "12 inches is so much better"
me: "no way...6 inches is perfectly fine"
ed: "dude...you need 12 inches"
me: "12 inches is way too much, i'm happy with my 6 inches"

by the way...here's my black hair

p.s. i really don't look that freaky...this is what happens when you scan your face with a crappy scanner

Hey everyone...it's national Have Sex Month! Or so the spark tells me. So...get out there and have sex! No wait...no...no sex. In the philosophical words of Naomi..."sex should not exist." I guess I shouldn't be promoting it then. Riiiight. I'm gonna change subjects now.

You might have noticed that I normally don't stick with one topic when I write. Well, you're just going to have to deal with that. Maybe i'll work on my transitions to other topics...but the way my mind works...there is no staying with one topic. It's multi-faceted...just like a lock (transition #1) I've been working on my thief skills (which obviously include lock picking) There is this door that leads to the roof of my dorm. I want on the roof of the dorm. The door is locked. The lock is my nemesis. Therefore I have obviously spent a good portion of time up that stairwell with makeshift lock-picking tools. Here's what I've learned:

Grant's Guide to Lock Jimmying

-Get a safety pin, bobby-pin, or needle and find a time when nobody is around the target.
-Shove said safety pin, bobby-pin, or needle into said target and jiggle around.
-Get frustrated and punch door.
-Nurse bruised knuckles.
-Shove said instruments back into door and try being more precise.
-Give up on precise and go buck wild on the lock.
-Jam said lock and leave the scene quickly.

Speaking of scenes...particularly making scenes (transition #2) I did just that at the airport. Though we Americans have plenty of pride in our country...we Americans obviously don't handle it well when someone wears an army fatigue shirt and black beanie in the airport. But I didn't think that my army shirt was too bad compared to the lady in what looked like a pink jumpsuit made out of 60's couch upholstery.

But I do have to say that those Southwest people know how to make lite of the crazy airport atmosphere (transition #3) While sitting on the airplane, the hostess said the following:

"there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways to leave this aircraft"

"please be aware that the oxygen mask's bag will not inflate when you breathe, but you are receiving nitrogen...I mean oxygen"

"put on your oxygen mask in case of pressure change. if you have to help more than one child put on his or her oxygen mask, choose your favorite child first"

The rest of the flight went smoothly...unlike portions of my birthday dinner (transition #4) Oh, don't get me wrong...it was wonderful. But we were eating at Joe's Crab Shack. This place is obviously notorious for partaking in the public humiliation of their birthday guests. As we're about to leave, our waitress comes out with something behind her back. She has me stand up and soon I'm wearing a cow suit (fully equipped with udders) and straddling one of those horse heads on a stick. My "job" was to gallop around the entire restaurant, weaving through the crowds of people, and I had no choice. Yeah...there's a picture. It's not developed yet. You'll get to see it.

Dang...I've got nothing for transition #5, you're just gonna have to bare with me. I'm sure you all remember Eggplant man and his saga (and if you don't, go back a couple entries and read) Well...after his tragic death we found some friends of his waiting outside our door. No really...we didn't do this...I swear. Steve and Steve-arella were left with a note saying, "We hear a tragic 'accident' has befallen our dear 4th cousin, Fred Bob Cinnamon Bill (known to some by his alias 'Eggplant Man') We, Steve and Steve-arella Pepper have come to pay our last respects. Well...Steve-arella has...Steve has come for REVENGE...dun dun DUN."

Like I've said before...weird things happen when you group together a bunch of kids who don't drink or do drugs. People have to find other ways to amuse themselves (transition #6) Like my 'shirts that get reactions.' I wear certain shirts that get people's attention. Why? Because it's fun. Plus I get interesting questions and comments. So to answer you...no...I have no been to Camp Shalom...not even in 1997. Oh, and my philosophy of religion teacher started calling me Jesus. Sure it was because of the shirt...but still. At the end of class he said, "...so if one poor soul is left behind (points at me) like Jesus, he'll have a ride."

Alright...i'm out of transitions. And I'm dead tired. I've got a long day of class tomorrow. Then BE is playing at lunch. Then I'm going out to dinner with Naomi. Then...some other stuff. Or something. Riiiight. I'm going to bed now. He LIKES me he's HUGGIN' me!!!

Dear mom and dad,

you should be so proud of me! i'm learning so very much here at college. why just this morning i applied my newfound knowledge of value. i stumbled back into my room at about 8:50am and took a shower and decided to trim my chin-strap-like beard/goatee thingy (and as you can see my vocab is improving too!) I blinked at the mirror a couple times because my eyes are a little dry right now...but that's most likely because i've been wearing the same one-day contacts for three days now without taking them out (see...value indeed!) so back to the shaving thing (and i'll get back to the value thing, i swear) shaving while not awake is a new and interesting experience for me, especially since my motor skills weren't at their peak. after hacking off a chunk of blondish-redish fuzz from the right side of my chin i swore, then did the same to the left side. but it's ok, i already look a little unusual since i dyed my hair black the other day. it doesn't exactly match with my facial hair (or lack there of after this mornings incident) but hey, that's what college is about isn't it...experimenting. Oh, and speaking of my motor skills not functioning exactly properly, i dropped my $100 doumbek (drum) last night and it shattered into many a piece. but it's ok, i'll make up for my lack of motor skills with more sleep...who needs class anyway? oh yeah...i was telling you guys about my knowledge of value. so i came out of the bathroom and thought about eating (which i do occasionally) I realized that if i were to buy a sub sandwich and drink from the school's sub sandwich place it would cost me around $6.00. then i remembered Valentino's...the college kids best friend in the form of a cheap Italian restaurant (the other college kid's best friends come in the handy forms of alcohol, weed, and sex...but this morning...i was hungry) so i did some math and found that i could have an entire large pizza for the same price as the measly 6" sandwich. there was no question as to what i would have for breakfast...pizza! see? i'm getting more for my money...value incarnate. oh yeah, the band got to play a 5 song set at the Ugly Mug Cafe the other night! (this was before i broke my doumbek) it was so much fun. sure it went late, and then i didn't do any work for the next day (hence me failing yesterday's science test and audio design quiz) but ya know what? college isn't about grades and classes...it's about experiences...right? i mean, that's what you guys used to say. so thanks for the advice! i'm off to try and find a better fake ID. bye for now!

love, Grant

melt