Hey everyone...it's national Have Sex Month! Or so the spark tells me. So...get out there and have sex! No wait...no...no sex. In the philosophical words of Naomi..."sex should not exist." I guess I shouldn't be promoting it then. Riiiight. I'm gonna change subjects now.

You might have noticed that I normally don't stick with one topic when I write. Well, you're just going to have to deal with that. Maybe i'll work on my transitions to other topics...but the way my mind works...there is no staying with one topic. It's multi-faceted...just like a lock (transition #1) I've been working on my thief skills (which obviously include lock picking) There is this door that leads to the roof of my dorm. I want on the roof of the dorm. The door is locked. The lock is my nemesis. Therefore I have obviously spent a good portion of time up that stairwell with makeshift lock-picking tools. Here's what I've learned:

Grant's Guide to Lock Jimmying

-Get a safety pin, bobby-pin, or needle and find a time when nobody is around the target.
-Shove said safety pin, bobby-pin, or needle into said target and jiggle around.
-Get frustrated and punch door.
-Nurse bruised knuckles.
-Shove said instruments back into door and try being more precise.
-Give up on precise and go buck wild on the lock.
-Jam said lock and leave the scene quickly.

Speaking of scenes...particularly making scenes (transition #2) I did just that at the airport. Though we Americans have plenty of pride in our country...we Americans obviously don't handle it well when someone wears an army fatigue shirt and black beanie in the airport. But I didn't think that my army shirt was too bad compared to the lady in what looked like a pink jumpsuit made out of 60's couch upholstery.

But I do have to say that those Southwest people know how to make lite of the crazy airport atmosphere (transition #3) While sitting on the airplane, the hostess said the following:

"there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways to leave this aircraft"

"please be aware that the oxygen mask's bag will not inflate when you breathe, but you are receiving nitrogen...I mean oxygen"

"put on your oxygen mask in case of pressure change. if you have to help more than one child put on his or her oxygen mask, choose your favorite child first"

The rest of the flight went smoothly...unlike portions of my birthday dinner (transition #4) Oh, don't get me wrong...it was wonderful. But we were eating at Joe's Crab Shack. This place is obviously notorious for partaking in the public humiliation of their birthday guests. As we're about to leave, our waitress comes out with something behind her back. She has me stand up and soon I'm wearing a cow suit (fully equipped with udders) and straddling one of those horse heads on a stick. My "job" was to gallop around the entire restaurant, weaving through the crowds of people, and I had no choice. Yeah...there's a picture. It's not developed yet. You'll get to see it.

Dang...I've got nothing for transition #5, you're just gonna have to bare with me. I'm sure you all remember Eggplant man and his saga (and if you don't, go back a couple entries and read) Well...after his tragic death we found some friends of his waiting outside our door. No really...we didn't do this...I swear. Steve and Steve-arella were left with a note saying, "We hear a tragic 'accident' has befallen our dear 4th cousin, Fred Bob Cinnamon Bill (known to some by his alias 'Eggplant Man') We, Steve and Steve-arella Pepper have come to pay our last respects. Well...Steve-arella has...Steve has come for REVENGE...dun dun DUN."

Like I've said before...weird things happen when you group together a bunch of kids who don't drink or do drugs. People have to find other ways to amuse themselves (transition #6) Like my 'shirts that get reactions.' I wear certain shirts that get people's attention. Why? Because it's fun. Plus I get interesting questions and comments. So to answer you...no...I have no been to Camp Shalom...not even in 1997. Oh, and my philosophy of religion teacher started calling me Jesus. Sure it was because of the shirt...but still. At the end of class he said, "...so if one poor soul is left behind (points at me) like Jesus, he'll have a ride."

Alright...i'm out of transitions. And I'm dead tired. I've got a long day of class tomorrow. Then BE is playing at lunch. Then I'm going out to dinner with Naomi. Then...some other stuff. Or something. Riiiight. I'm going to bed now. He LIKES me he's HUGGIN' me!!!