An Account of an Ostrich’s Dislike of Rain and Other True Tales

This past weekend Naomi and I planned a little trip to Santa Barbara to see our good friends Jordan (the girl) and Kevin (the boy). I got out of band practice and we got in my car, ready for the 2 1/2 hour drive. Then the fates conspired against us. I forgot that my headlight was out...and a trip to Santa Barbara in the dark is a bad idea. So we went to Pep Boys (bite your tongue Grant, bite your tongue) and I had to replace my bulb in the parking lot. Then, just out of curiosity I asked Naomi to look up a dashboard light that had recently come on. The Germans sure are weird people, because when they were making my car they decided to put in a little dashboard light that looks like a happy little sun and lights up a happy little yellow.......and means that your front brake pads are worn down. It's like, HOORAY!!! You're breaks are bad!!! Yeah...hooray. So we had to switch cars. By this time it was even deeper into the traffic filled hours of the evening, so our 2 1/2 hour trip became an oh so wonderful 4 hour trip. But we made it, and that's all that matters.

We said our hellos and decided to get some food. Kevin suggested Quiznos, since Jordan is a Quiznos fiend and without her fix she will surely go into spazmic convulsions. It was closed, so we went to the somewhat famous Freebirds...home of the monster burrito too big for most humans to physically consume. Then we named Jordan's stuffed turtle Shubert, tried to get Kevin to dance, were freaked out by Jordan's possessed hallway light, and dragged a hundred pound futon mattress downstairs to make a makeshift bed.

The next morning we were off to the Chumach casino. It's an Indian reservation casino that allows 18 year olds to gamble. The original idea of going there came to us when we were not 21. I am now 21...but oh well...it was still my first time gambling. We found ourselves drawn to the bright shininess of the slots and soon Kevin was down a few bucks, Jordan was down a few bucks, Naomi had doubled her original 10 bucks, and I...well...I lost 20 bucks. Let's just say gambling is not my strong point.

Next we were off to Solvang...The Dutch Capitol of America (yeah, the slogan really confuses the heck out of me too) for lunch. It's this little Dutch town in the middle of nowhere. I'm not sure who got high and came up with putting a Dutch town out there...but he did...and we thank him. We found a restaurant and all got very American food except for Jordan...who braved the bratwurst. She was going to get the knackwurst or the slagenwurst...but she chose the bratwurst (ok ok, I might have made one of those words up) Soon we were happily eating our burgers and sandwiches, and Jordan was trying her very hardest to bite into a huge piece of lumpy, off-white meat. Let's just say she didn't eat it all. Then Jordan and Kevin ordered something called able skeivers? They are huge pancake like balls in sauce of some kind. Mmmmm. We then took pictures of the old Dutch people who dance on the sidewalk for no apparent reason. The rain started, I got a caramel apple, and we left.

On the way back, Jordan wanted desperately to go to the ostrich farm...but last time she was there it was raining and they only got to see some emus. I guess ostriches aren't water-proof. So instead we went to K-Mart, bought Taboo, and went back to Jordan's house to see who was the Taboo master.

Alas...the night had to come to a close and Naomi and I had to go home. But I left them a souvenir...my flip-flops. I mean...I kinda want them back, but who knows when that will happen.

Best quotes from the trip:

Jordan: Brian...thank you for Finding Nemo.
Grant: Brian found Nemo?
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(one of many comments about Kevin's manhood)
Kevin: Give a man an inch, and he'll take it a mile.
Jordan: Unless that man is Kevin.
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(and the winning quote)
Jordan: This is heaven in ball form!