Time....12:07am

I just took some Nyquil and I was wondering how long it would take before I'm delirious and somewhat drunk feeling. Then I thought HEY...it would be fun to write something while the Nyquil is slowly coursing through my veins. So right now you are witnessing a real time article on the effects of Nyquil (er...I guess it WAS real time while this was happening, so in reality you are just witnessing the after-effects of a real time experiment) While I wait for this mother of all cold medicines to numb the symptoms of my horrid cold...I thought I'd tell a story or two.

Hmmm....I seem to be at a complete loss for any kind of interesting stories to tell you guys.

Effect 1: heavy eyelids

I'm a bitter person. I just hide it well. Let's just say that I feel that certain people should just not be alive. Now don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that I want to kill them. Or that I want someone to kill them. Just that I feel they should not enjoy the benefits of life anymore. What makes me bitter? Glad you asked....

--this guy on TV who is dressed like a basketball player who says, "I don't play for money or recognition." Sure guy...that's why you're doing a commercial for footlocker.

--People who should not have ever been issued a license. These include: 1-People who slow down to 5 mph a quarter mile before their turn. 2-People who take up 2 lanes at a time. 3-People who put Indie car racing fins on their Celicas. 4-People who don't put bumper stickers on straight. 5-ANYONE WHO CAN'T FRICKIN DRIVE!

Effect 2: general fogginess of the brain

--Things that don't work like they say they will. I bought one of those stupid CD/DVD scratch cleaners. I grabbed a CD that I had scratched just a little. It merely skipped a couple times when I played it. I ran it through the stupid cleaner and now? Now it won't play without skipping 4 times as much. Hooray!

--Not being appreciated for how much fricking work I put into things. I have to put a minimum of 10 hours a week into my internship. Now that's not too much. That's 40 hours a month. I get paid a stipend of $100 a month. Let's see here, that evens out to $2.20 an hour. Yes ladies and gentlemen...I make a third of minimum wage. I teach a highschool video yearbook class and I make less than I would scrubbing toilets. Sigh....

Effect 3: numbness of lips

--People who have jobs BASED on conversing with the public who can't speak english. I have no problem with people who are living in the U.S. who are learning english. Cool. You do that. But DON'T GET A JOB AT A DRIVETHROUGH WINDOW! It's already hard enough trying to order through a crappy speaker...but add someone who doesn't know english on top of that and you have a homicide inducing situation on your hands. It shouldn't be so hard to order a few tacos or some chicken.

--Being at a college that bases a huge chunk of your grade on attendance. What the hell?!? I have been told my whole life that college would be SOOOOO cool because you could come and go to classes as you please. Yeah, come to Chapman, I'm sure you'll love it.

Effect 4: fingers lagging...making more typos

--Gum that loses its flavor too quickly, knives with black blades that- as you use them -the black slowly scrapes off, software that hides the word "upgrade" in tiny text in the upper corner thereby making you think it's the full version that you can use so you buy it and open it and then you can't return it because you opened it but it's only the upgrade so you just wasted 100 frickin dollars on Microsoft frickin word UPGRADE, when you suck on hard candy allot and it makes the roof of your mouth really sore, sticky notes that don't stick, only having one working headlight, people calling me at 8:00am to ask me about my credit and then find out that I am not Andy Stenfler and therefore have nothing to do but hang up on me after having woken me up from a REALLY GOOD DREAM.

Effect 5: head more hazy, vision starting to lag if I turn my head quickly

--Telling people that I never get sick, only to wake up the next morning feeling like crap.

--The Matrix Reloaded SUCKING and hearing that Revolutions SUCKED EVEN MORE.

--People like Elliot Smith who stab themselves in the chest.

--The Vicks Corporation for not making Nyquil in bigger doses so it would take effect faster, thereby allowing me to actually sleep...which is the only reason that I, in my cold riddled stupor, took the damn stuff.

Effect 6: head feeling heavy and wobbling back and forth

Time....12:49am

It seems that the Nyquil has taken enough effect that I could possibly sleep. Then again this is probably just a placebo effect since I am so simple minded. Ok, now it's hurting to stay awake. Goodnight stupid world.

Love, bitter bitter Grant