GET A HAIRCUT YOU HIPPIES!

Apparently in North Korea right now the government has come to a very important conclusion. Here is the conversation that surely took place before the conclusion was concluded:

man 1: You know what's stopping better work ethics in this country?
man 2: I've been trying to figure it out...is it lack of moral? Maybe lack of benefits?
man 1: No...it's that damned long hair!
man 2: Of course!
man 1: How can a man perform his duties with hair that goes over his ears!?!
man 2: Hair that is over 2 inches is rebellious in nature!
man 1: Except maybe old men who are trying to cover balding.
man 2: True, maybe they could have 2.8 inch hair.

I'm totally not kidding.

Let's say Robert decides to be a rebel and he grows his hair 2.3 inches in length (the horror!). Sooner or later people will turn on the TV and see...you guessed it...Robert's face (and his atrociously long hair). The report will show Robert's name, his address, and a critique of his hair will follow. Phrases like, "Can this man properly perform his duties?" will follow.

Soon there will be a rebellion of the long haired. They will meet in secret underground rooms and take off their hats and wigs and unveil their oh-so-naughty long hair and they will revel in the glory and freedom that long hair brings.

This is kinda ridiculous.