So this is kind of funny. I say "kind of" because it's not really, but it sure has that funny potential to anyone who doesn't happen to be me. Right now I'm sitting at my computer and leaning in about 5 inches from the screen which immediately makes me think of my mom saying, "Grant...don't sit so close to the TV...you'll go blind." Only my mom never said that. I guess I've seen enough shows with 50's style housewives telling their kids good advice. Why am I sitting so close to the monitor? I took out my contacts and I can't find my glasses. I constantly find myself in this dilemma: I just took out my contacts and realized that I should have my glasses nearby so I can see. Problem is...I made that whole "yeah, I'll need my glasses" realization after my contacts were in the garbage can. So here I am, sitting way too close to the monitor because I had this insatiable urge to write something. What was this something? I'm not sure. But I'm sure it had something to do with my slightly odd night. I was about to go to my room to go to bed when I saw this girl sitting all by herself in the lobby, watching American Pie, with a table next to her with apple pie and condoms adorning it. This struck me as slightly pathetic. I told my roommates (and our drummer...who was in our room...and I’m still not sure why) and we decided to go and keep her company. You see...our school has these odd ideas about safe sex. They will do just about anything to give out free condoms. So they set up an event to watch this movie, eat pie, and give out "love gloves" (or at least that's what the poster called them). The girl was the one running the peopless event. She informed us that she had 7 more pies if we wanted any. So I went and bought some vanilla ice cream because how can you eat apple pie with no vanilla ice cream? You can't. Then Emma decided that I needed a condom (in her words: "for later" which sounds like some kind of cryptic comment with many possible meanings) and put one in my pocket. So now I have an oh-so-aptly-named "crown" condom sitting next to my computer. The thing is I don't know what to do with it. (I really hope that comment doesn't spawn a hoard of e-mails with links to "how to use a condom" websites) You see...if I keep it I just know it will end up greatly embarrassing me. Don't ask how, but me having a condom sitting around is just asking for some kind of crazy un-sex-related scenario to ensue. But throwing it away seems like such a waste. Anyway...then I watched Dogma for the first time, took a shower at 2:22am, and here I am...typing away in the dark, making countless spelling mistakes because when you sit this close to the monitor it changes the position of your hands and it's kind of hard to type. And this had a point...I swear. Only it seems to have been lost. Or it never existed and I just tricked myself into thinking it had one. Eh...oh well. I think it's time to sleep.