There's something therapeutic about telling really really embarrassing stories to complete strangers (or wait...can I call you people "friends" ? or would that freak you out?) So as you can probably tell, I'm about to embark upon my most recent really embarrassing story and you all are invited. Here we go!

Today I went to a urologist. I opened the door expecting a large waiting room like the many waiting rooms I have waited in before. Instead I opened the door to a ridiculously small room with an old woman sitting in a chair about 2 feet away from me. She enthusiastically slurred "hi!" at me. I looked confused and said hi back. I filled out some forms and sat down. Some kid across the room had one of those really loud phones that plays real music...loudly. He insisted upon playing games which beeped every time he pressed the button. He pressed the button often. The phone beeped often. I nearly killed him. Then he decided to sit next to me and talk about Lord of the Rings while playing his phone which was amazingly louder once he was close. He coughed incessantly.

Across the room was an old couple (including the old lady who said hi). The woman (who I imagine to be slightly senile) would yell out "MAYBE THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE" every 5 minutes. The husband (who I imagine is completely sane and has to keep his wife under constant supervision) would pull her back into the seat and pat her hand while telling her over and over that the doctor was just behind and he knew they were there. She would finally mumble "ok" and calm down...until 5 minutes later.

My name was finally called (45 minutes later) and it was a good thing since I was about to bash the little boys head in with the magazine rack. I peed in a cup and then sat in a small room for about 15 minutes. I noticed the sparse contents of the room. The counter had cotton swabs, rubber gloves, and a tube of K Y jelly. The doctor finally came in. He asked me countless questions and then said, "ok, stand up and drop your pants." Needless to say I stood up and dropped my pants. (this makes me nervous...how much would I do if some authority figure told me to?) He started feelin' stuff and told me to cough a couple times. Then I was caught completely off guard. He picked up something off the counter with his back to me and said, "now please lean over the table, elbows touching." With my pants still down, I frowned and did just as he asked. Then he put his finger somewhere a finger should not be. Nay...where nothing should be...least of all the finger of a 50 year old man I have just met.

Luckily it all checked out (even the sonogram...though they wouldn't let me keep the pictures...I was going to tell people I was pregnant) and I got some antibiotics and all that jazz. I get to go back in about a month. But if that guy picks up that tube of K Y jelly again, I'm running the hell out of there.