The Epic Battle of Grant and the Spider (in 3 acts)

Preface: As a kid I used to hunt down spiders/snakes/etc with my friend Craig. We even found a black widow and caught it in a small plastic tupperware container. Somehow something changed and I no longer like spiders. In fact, I absolutely abhor spiders.

Act I

My alarm was blaring and I stumbled out of bed and put on my glasses. I was lazily gazing about my room when in my peripheral vision (I must make note that I have very good peripheral vision) I saw a black dot on my ceiling that I did not remember being there before. On slightly closer inspection, I found it to be a huge black spider about the size of a quarter. There were two problems here: 1) I hate spiders and 2) It was above my bed. I decided to poke at it with a really long bamboo stick -that I have for some reason- in hopes that it would scurry away from my bed so I could kill it. I poked. It fell. Into my bed. I have a black bedspread.

Intermission

That night I literally woke up every hour at least once thinking the spider was crawling on me or to check if it was on my ceiling. I hate spiders that much.

Act II

The next day, after a long day of classes, I came home to relax. I did a quick scan on the ceiling to see if my friend was back. I noticed a black spot on my ceiling, once more close to my bed. Alas, it was my spider nemesis. I couldn't reach him from where I was, but I needed to kill him, so I grabbed the bamboo stick once more and placed a folded sock on the end of the stick in order to have a larger mass to crush his fragile body with. I jabbed at him hard and smushed him into the wall. Then he fell to the floor and scurried under my bed.

Intermission

That night I convinced myself that I had injured him and he went under my bed to die. This was ALMOST believable, but I still scanned my ceiling for him every so often. Then I was attacked by another spider on my desk which I crushed with enough force to crush a walnut.

Act III

This morning I woke up and started to get ready for my day. I KNEW the spider was dead so there was no reason to check, but I did anyway. As I looked above my window...there he was...the bane of my existence...the reason I didn't sleep...the spider. So I grabbed a magazine, climbed up to reach him, and smacked him as hard as I could with the magazine. I sincerely expected to see him fall to the floor and run across the room to hide under my bed again. This spider was mortal however and his splattered remains still adorn my wall in a warning to other spiders who decide to plague me.