You Know You're a Chapman Film Student When...

So I'm not too sure how film school goes for the attendees of other prestigious film schools, but there's a way of life here at Chapman which all who enter these hallowed halls firstly observe with awe, secondly experience, and thirdly weep in agony over. Here are my observations.

Top 25 Ways You Know You're At Chapman Film School

1. If Nothing works. No...really...nothing works.
2. If the geniuses who designed the school put a pair of classroom speakers into the wall so they stick INTO the "foley room" thereby adding bits of pieces of teacher's lectures into your sound effects
3. If the "foley room" is nothing more than a tiny room full of assorted crap and no acoustical construction
4. If you can answer EVERY problem with, "What do you expect...for it to work?"
5. If the lab assistants are only around when you don't need them
6. If "that bearded guy" ends up in EVERY SINGLE STUDENT FILM
7. If every student film is obsessively cut until the last minute and then ruined by bad sound
8. If you know the title "Tire Change" or "Gunsmoke"
9. If you spend countless hours on a project that is suddenly dropped for no good reason
10. If millions are spent on new equipment...and that new equipment consists of PCs with AvidDV since, you know, nobody uses Macs or Final Cut Pro since it's not the industry standard or anything
11. If you have been taken advantage of because you need to "fill your reel"
12. If you have lost entire projects due to random deletions which take place on every school computer
13. If you hear of how incredible the school is GOING to be...once you're gone
14. If people donate 20-something-million-dollars to the film school, yet the ADR rooms still have mic stands that don't even tighten
15. If your academic advisor merely reads you descriptions from the student handbook as a form of "answering your questions"
16. If it becomes big news that ONE film out of hundreds makes it to ANY film festival
17. If the school STILL uses an editing program called Discreet...since it's just that, so discreat that nobody else uses it
18. If you're an editor who ends up doing makeup, a screenwriter who ends up editing, or a producer who ends up acting
19. If you have spent enough consecutive time in the film school to grow a quarter inch of facial hair
20. If your first film had to do with suicide
21. If ANY of your films had the "look into the mirror and splash water on the face" scene
22. If you are told you WILL have to go to grad school in order to get a good job, even though you just graduated from a film school
23. If half the teachers don't even know how to run an average DVD player
24. If you made more films as a freshman than you did any other year at school
25. If you're still reading this boring piece of crap or if any of this made ANY sense to you

I would like to sincerely apologize for this post. As I hit number 20 I realized that nobody cares. But I couldn't just erase it. So here it is...if you read this, I apologize. If you skipped to this paragraph, I congratulate you for realizing that this wasn't worth reading. It was basically for my own amusement.

Now it's time to sleep.