So imagine an x-games veteran gone bad toting product placements in the form of sports drinks, energy drinks, clothing, cars, and sports equipment spouting lines straight from the worst acting coach in Hollywood and you have a perfect image of XXX. Other than male teenagers and those too cracked out to realize that major movie theatres have not suddenly decided to put porn on the big screen, this movie would appeal to nobody. Then again it did have its high points. Like a guy wearing a jacket and no shirt in a night club using a really bad russian accent saying, "bitches...come" to summon the barely dressed, appropriately named "bitches" to do God knows what with him. So all in all this movie made realize three things. 1- I really want to go to a Rammstein concert...I love fire. 2- Russians would probably be offended by this movie since one of the most in-depth conversations the bad guys had was: bad guy 1: How's it going? bad guy 2: Life is sh*t. bad guy 1: Well, what can you do? 3- Vin Diesel (or however you spell his name) can't act...even though he has a line in the movie where he mocks someone's acting. Oh, and the end credits are so distracting that it proves one of two things. Either nobody wanted people realizing they worked on this film, or the guy in charge of the end credits got shafted and took revenge by making it impossible to notice the names.

Speaking of movies, my good friend Jordan and I recently tackled the urban legend of the "hanging lovelorn midget" from The Wizard of Oz. If you're not in the know, supposedly one of the munchkins hung him/herself in the background of one of the scenes. Some of the stories even said it was murder. So of course we had to find out. Jordan brought over the tape and we single framed our way through the appropriate scene. I was sorely disappointed to find out it was just some large bird silhouetted in the background. Pretty unmistakable, but if you want to see for yourself...go to the scene just after the tin man sings his little song (which by the way seems to be the least known of the songs in that movie...probably because of his wacky accent...which is too bad since I was the tin man once) and the witch shoots a fireball at them. Then they go skipping and singing like full fledged gays on a San Fransisco street off into the background and STOP!!! It's right there. Slightly behind a tree, dead center, upper portion of the screen. Right at the end you see it flap its wings. After nearly crying in disappointment we went to McDonalds to get some McFlurries. So now I'm bent on getting the Pink Floyd album (which one is it?) that is supposed to match up with the movie in perfect unison. If that ends up failing I just might have to kill myself. Maybe by wondering onto a movie set and hanging myself in the background where nobody notices and starting a true urban legend.