Monday, October 27, 2003

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The Apocolypse and Alien Attacks on the Famous

Two days ago I looked out the window in the morning and I saw a world that looked tinted yellow, as if through the lenses of colored sunglasses. Plus it looked like it was snowing. My car was covered in white flakes, and the yellow ground was being covered in white. The sun was red and the smell of smoke was in the air. People walked around with surgical masks covering their mouths. Yes...it was the apocolypse. Or maybe it was just the fact that most of LA was and still is on fire. Ashes fell from the sky for the next day, and a little today. The sprinklers hit my car and the ashes fell in the water...now my car looks like it's been completely plastered with bird crap. My eyes are still red from the ashes (which, by the way, must REALLY like eyes...because when they get attached to an eye...they DON'T LET GO), and I'm still coughing from inhaling burnt up houses and trees.

Just so everyone knows...aliens have come to earth to slowly but surely kill off all the cool famous people. Have you guys been noticing how many famous people have died recently? And now Elliot Smith is dead. He stabbed himself in the chest. No...really. That sucks. Allot. People need to stop dying. Really.

The only people who should not stop dying are stupid people. Now I'm not talking about people who aren't exactly smart because of brain defects; I'm talking about people who are just plain stupid. Naomi and I went to KFC earlier tonight. You would think that going through a drive-through would be an easy task now that the speaker systems are better, but no. No no no. You would be wrong if you thought that. And I'm not talking about a simple, "oh, they forgot to give me some mashed potatoes." I'm talking about this transcription of the drive-through hell we experienced:

Actual Drivethrough Conversation
**for the sake of anonymity, I will name the KFC attendant SPITW (Stupidest Person In The World)**

SPITW: Welcome to KFC, how can I help you?
Naomi: Yeah, I'll have the three chicken strip meal with mashed potatoes.
SPITW: Ok...so the chicken strips..........and mashed potatoes.
Naomi: Um, yeah...
SPITW: (cutting her off) is that all?
Naomi: No. I'll also have the seven piece honey BBQ wings.
SPITW: Would you like the meal?
Naomi: No....
SPITW: (cutting her off again) is that all?
Naomi: No. I'll also have the seven piece honey BBQ wings meal with mashed potatoes.
SPITW: Ok, so that's chicken strips, and honey BBQ wings, and a side of mashed potatoes.
Naomi: No. I want the three chicken strip meal with mashed potatoes....
SPITW: Ok, so the chicken strips with a side of mashed potatoes, honey BBQ wings, and a side of mashed potatoes.
Naomi: No...I...
SPITW: (cutting her off again) is that all?
Naomi: NO! I want the chicken strip MEAL with mashed potatoes IN the meal.
SPITW: Ok, chicken strip meal with mashed potatoes.
Naomi: Yes...then the honey BBQ strips meal with mashed potatoes.
SPITW: We don't have a honey BBQ strips meal.
Me: Yes they do!
Naomi: Ok...the honey BBQ wing meal. (as if there's a difference)



.....ok, you get the point....i'm not going to finish this story because my night's not going so well. i need to sleep.

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